What’s the difference between fear and phobia? Fear is rational when you’re trying to uphold something valid, such as cleanliness or being organized. Fear is irrational when you’re primarily concerned with avoiding problems rather than upholding something positive. For example, … Continue reading
Bitterness is an emotional state of resentment combined with anger. It’s usually chronic, in nature. A bitter person feels entitled to something he or she didn’t get — whether it’s a specific courtesy or something as unspecified as happiness. Bitterness … Continue reading
Some people don’t like to be treated well. Why is this? There can be many reasons, depending on the exact psychology of the person who craves mistreatment. One reason is low self-worth, obviously. The form this takes is: “I’m not … Continue reading
Realistic optimism consists of two parts. The first is that you face facts, at all times, and consider all relevant facts. The second is that you assume the positive is more powerful and more relevant than the negative. Even when … Continue reading
You can try to escape choice, but you still cannot escape deciding. To decide not to make a choice is still to decide. So you might as well face it–and choose.
The issue isn’t whether to “get help” or to be independent. That’s a false choice. The issue is whether to help yourself, or to find someone to help you help yourself. Helping yourself is fine. But there’s nothing wrong with … Continue reading
Do you define your work–or does your work define you? Your work is supposed to “work” for you. Ideally, it fulfills you and provides meaning and purpose for you, along with a good income. Worst case, it enables you to … Continue reading
The last thing an individual — or a society — needs is a “guru.” Or a savior. Or someone to rescue them. The very notion implies one of the natural, inevitable human state as one of helplessness. “I’m helpless and … Continue reading
Getting things done means you’re a doer. But it also implies that you’re a thinker. Sometimes, people who don’t get things done — even things they’re committed to doing, even small things — assume that the problem occurs because, “I … Continue reading
Give yourself room to have a learning curve. Embrace your mistakes as corrections, and as indications of future success. Look at error as increased knowledge, and the pain from error simply as the cost that everything has. Make it all … Continue reading
Don’t worry about the irrational motives of another person. Don’t get caught up in, “Why is she acting this way?” or, “Why is he so self-defeating?” In most cases, you cannot know for sure. A person will not tell you … Continue reading
People often ask: How much time is reasonable for me to focus on my past, in therapy or otherwise? The answer isn’t quantitative. The answer is simply: As much time as you need, in order to understand what went wrong, … Continue reading