You cannot change other people. You don’t even have to change them, if you don’t like what they’re doing. All you have to do is make your own behavior consistent with what you think of them, and what you think … Continue reading →

There’s an old term in psychology called “secondary gain.” I prefer to call it “subjective secondary gain.” This refers to what you’re really getting out of something that is otherwise irrational. Another way I once heard it put was, “How … Continue reading →

“Manipulative” people are ones who lie or imply their motives for doing something are other than what they are. It’s not effective to be manipulative. Manipulation only “works” to the degree that your victim is not paying attention. Yet think … Continue reading →

Hurrying is the alleged short-cut to competence. You don’t get an effective result by rushing. You get an effective result by being conscientious and accurate. More and more instances of doing something competently lead to greater and greater efficiency. But … Continue reading →

Nobody wants to be used. But what does this term really mean? Some people say they’re being used merely because someone else gets something out of their personal encounter. But there’s nothing wrong with self-interest. Every encounter, whether business or … Continue reading →

A reader asks: What’s the difference, if any, between “passion” and “drive”? Passion is the emotional excitement one has over something. Drive is the motivation to get it done, along with a commitment to determining (and following through on) the … Continue reading →

A “fear monger” is someone who seeks to generate fear in you in order to gain control over you. “Control” can mean many different things. It can mean a sense of seeing you afraid, which makes a (sick) person happy. … Continue reading →

I don’t see any point to labeling yourself with a psychiatric disorder. What does it do, other than imply that a mental state is something that happens “to” you rather than something that comes about because of a series of … Continue reading →

So many people don’t want to think — especially about personal concerns. Denial is the opposite of thinking. To most people, not thinking feels easy. But it’s not easy. Life is going on around you, whether you think about life … Continue reading →

“Stop barging into my office and infecting me with your anxiety.” (Peggy Olson from the television series, Mad Men) This is a great quote. It illustrates how you can send both anxious people — and sometimes anxiety itself — on … Continue reading →

It’s not what you think that causes psychological distress so much as HOW you think. Ideally, as a child in school, you would have learned the laws of logic and reason. You would have learned them so well that you’d … Continue reading →