Q: Dear Dr. Hurd: In today’s culture, it is easy to be cynical. How can one not succumb to cynicism while simultaneously not being naive to the negativity or ulterior motives of people? A: The term “cynicism” implies a departure … Continue reading →

Children cannot always be reasoned with, it’s true. But this is no excuse for a parent to take a shortcut and refuse to apply reason with a child. With a fellow adult, you would give your reasons in an attempt … Continue reading →

A friend who asks how you’re doing, instead of talking only about himself, is a friend with the mental well-being to think about something other than himself. Don’t applaud him for being selfless. Instead, applaud him for being well put … Continue reading →

Manners are a product of civilization.   Widespread rudeness is the result of a civilization in decline. A person should be polite, although not for the sake of others. Living for the sake of strangers leads, quite appropriately, to resentment … Continue reading →

People typically look at the concept of independence this way: “If I do something by myself, alone, then I’m independent; if I do something at all in collaboration with someone else, I’m not independent.” This is erroneous. While being independent … Continue reading →

Being committed to growth means that you are willing to question yourself and others; to think philosophically and critically, rather than just react to events; and to go by reason rather than by sheer “instinct.” Being committed to lifelong personal … Continue reading →

People who dwell on regrets are making the error of granting the past too much importance. The reason I say “too much importance” is because nothing about the past can be changed by anyone. It’s self-evidently done, and over, by … Continue reading →

The biggest excuse I hear from people about not holding loved ones responsible for their actions is, “It’s not working.” For example: “My twenty-five year old son moved back in. He stays at home and doesn’t even seek out a … Continue reading →

Do you love someone for what he has…or for who he IS? Either motive is all right. But there is a difference between the two. And terms should be clear. Honesty works best, because then you’re not faced with a … Continue reading →

The self-esteem equation, for a healthy person, is as follows: “I am worthwhile. I am somebody. I have skills and I know what they are. If I diligently work at these skills, I WILL produce something of worth; something that … Continue reading →

Denial is an emotional hearing problem, or emotional deafness. With auditory deafness, the problem is sensory; with denial, the problem is conceptual. Denial is a combination of a refusal to think carefully and an acceptance of a conclusion that isn’t … Continue reading →

Sacrifice of the self, at the core, means sacrifice of your own mind to the mind of another (or others). This automatically sets into a motion a motivation of caring about what others think, because the primary standard becomes HIS … Continue reading →