Nobody wants to be used. But what does this term really mean? Some people say they’re being used merely because someone else gets something out of their personal encounter. But there’s nothing wrong with self-interest. Every encounter, whether business or personal, should be mutually beneficial. The problem with “using” isn’t self-interest; it’s pretense. When someone claims to be a friend, for example, but really wants something different — your money, your status, your services — then you have a problem. Pretense is deceit. Don’t blame the fact that some people deceive on self-interest. If someone tells me what they want upfront, I don’t have a problem with it, so long as they’re honest. It doesn’t mean I’ll want to do it or agree to do it; but honest self-interest, out in the open, is what counts.