“Some of the biggest challenges in relationships come from the fact that most people enter a relationship in order to get something: they’re trying to find someone who’s going to make them feel good. In reality, the only way a … Continue reading
At the very mention of the word “philosophy,” most people tune out and head for the intellectual and psychological equivalent of the hills. But philosophy involves our most fundamental thinking about literally everything: our minds, our purpose in life, how … Continue reading
Few, if any, spouses are together constantly. So you’re undoubtedly apart from your spouse sometimes, too. Ask yourself when you’re coming home at the end of the work day, or after some other period of routine separation: Am I honestly … Continue reading
Healthy people who love life and love themselves make long-range plans. Even if everything is going fine, you need to think about one, five and ten years down the road. The point is not merely to avoid trouble, such as … Continue reading
A Daily Dose of Reason reader asked me to comment on the following Ayn Rand quote in connection with the psychological issues involved in retirement: A central purpose serves to integrate all the other concerns of a man’s life. It … Continue reading
We always hear that after suffering a break-up, you must — above all — avoid the “rebound” effect. If you enter a relationship “too soon” after the breakup of another relationship, it’s automatically and always unhealthy and will always end … Continue reading
Anger is a response to a perceived or actual injustice. If you believe somebody acted in a wrong way (by some standard of “wrong”), and could/should have made a different choice, then you will likely feel angry. Anger can be … Continue reading
In yesterday’s column, I wrote that love does not really require work — or the miserable sacrifices so many people claim. I received some interesting responses. One reader wrote: Good relationships require some self-sacrificial love. If the balance is off … Continue reading
Is your romantic relationship or marriage, on the whole, smooth and effortless? Or is there a constant sense of walking on eggshells, and trying not to offend the other? It’s a myth that good relationships take constant work. They don’t. … Continue reading
“Is this normal?” “Am I normal?” Psychotherapists hear this question all the time. The question is based upon a flawed premise and a flawed definition. Normal is not a substitute for “rational.” Normal refers to a statistical concept—essentially, to what … Continue reading
Changing negative first impressions is difficult. A person who forms a negative impression of another person will be less inclined to meet that person a second time because that person has been judged in a negative light. Without subsequent meetings, … Continue reading
You can’t change others. Neither can a psychotherapist, no matter how competent or insightful. Isn’t it still possible to influence others, if not change them? Absolutely. But successful “influence” presupposes that somebody is open to being influenced. Or, more specifically: … Continue reading