A reader wrote me with some interesting comments about the phenomenon of the nude “selfie,” i.e. taking a nude photograph of oneself with a cell phone and sending to others.
He writes, “For my perspective, especially in the light of these newest stories with the celebrities, the nude selfie has infiltrated every level of society. From unsupervised high-schoolers, to wealthy celebrities. It seems as if everyone in our society just has to send a nude picture of themselves to someone else, regardless of the consequences. And these nude selfies for the most part are not even artistic/romantic/intimate in any form or fashion. For instance, Kate Upton had her iCloud hacked to find her in a messy room, with no special lighting, no bottle of champagne, no flowers, no romantic/intimate look–just her taking a picture of her chest in the mirror. When I was in high school back in the late ’80s, couples exchanged romantic letters. Today, the nude, unartistic, unromantic nude selfie.”
The reader, a teacher, goes on, “I talked about this phenomenon with many students yesterday–in light of the latest hacking incident–and the freshman girls were convinced that this was one of the best ways to get a man’s attention. That the boy doesn’t care about her goals/dreams/desires/individuality–only her nudity. That the boy doesn’t care about her clothed physical appearance–only her nudity.” Also, “There is a segment of society, particularly the boys, who seem to want these nude selfies in a pseudo attempt at self esteem, showing their efficacy to not only themselves, but to all their buddies that they then show the pictures.”
It’s important to understand that this recent development in technology is not the underlying cause of the behavior, but merely its transmission. In the absence of such technology, certain people would still want to do whatever the behavior accomplishes, emotionally and psychologically. If a person doesn’t wish to send nude selfies or anything similar, then the presence of technology is of no relevance.
People undoubtedly send and enjoy nude “selfies” for a variety of reasons, varying in content and intensity from person to person. The first thing that strikes me as a probable motive is exhibitionism. Here’s how the psychiatric and psychology fields describe exhibitionism:
The individual is sometimes aware of a desire to startle or upset the observer. At times, the individual might fantasize that the observer will become sexually aroused. Exhibitionism, though often discussed as a humorous topic, is a very serious behavior that can frighten the victim. The exhibitionist is typically male, and the victim is usually a female (adult or child), and usually an unsuspecting stranger. [Source: American Psychiatric Association and psychologytoday.com]
The psychology field is identifying exhibitionism, in this context, as a disorder. It gets labeled a psychological or sexual disorder only once a person crosses over the boundary and shows him- or herself sexually to another without prior consent or known desire; or, stopping short of this, is sexually obsessed about desiring to do so.
I’m not suggesting that anyone who sends a nude selfie is psychologically disordered by these criteria. I assume, in fact, the vast majority are not. The selfie senders are usually women, and the intended audience for them is usually men.
However, it seems that the psychology underlying exhibitionism must — in some sense — be in play for people to wish to send nude selfies.
Many will comment that young people (especially high schoolers) are naturally high on hormones and sexual energy/excitement with this newfound, potentially gratifying part of the human experience. That’s undoubtedly true. But not all high schoolers send nude selfies, and not all wish to do so. And many people who enjoy or send nude selfies are older than high schoolers.
One of the basic psychological questions here predates the hi-tech era of cell phones and high-speed computers: From where does one derive one’s self esteem? On a very basic level, you either get your self-esteem from confidence and value of your own mind and life; or you gain it externally, from others. Some are more motivated via an internal locus-of-control (value of self, body and mind), while others are motivated more by an external locus-of-control (value of self only by validation from others). Most are not extremely one or other other; it’s probably a continuum of some kind.
From the vantage point of a young person who is motivated primarily by an external locus-of-control, there is potential value in gaining hoped for self-esteem via the shock value — or better yet, sexually impressive value — of showing off one’s body to others. Whether it’s valid, rational and healthy to seek one’s self-esteem in such an externally generated way is a whole different question; but the external locus-of-control theory helps explain why it appeals to some people, and not to others. It’s not primarily about sex so much as gratifying one’s self worth, in the eyes of others.
Given the sexually charged atmosphere of a high school setting, where adolescent boys/men and girls/women are just beginning to feel an awareness of their sexual natures and feelings, it’s not surprising that the combination of two things — self-esteem issues and sexual awakening — would lead to a high school teacher finding this to be a very prevalent phenomenon.
It’s true, as the reader implies, that authentic self-esteem does not arise out of indiscriminate display of one’s private, nude body. In fact, someone with authentic self-esteem, as I define it, would neither be ashamed of — nor compelled to show — his or her body parts to just anyone (or everyone). The unspoken emotion for someone with high rationality and self-esteem would not be, “I’m embarrassed about doing this.” It would be more like, “I’m too important for this.”
Unfortunately, a combination of factors rooted (philosophically) in the mind-body dichotomy, have resulted in two prevalent (but equally false) ideas and attitudes about sexuality. The first is that sex is a shameful exercise, or at most a need-driven compulsion for the purpose of producing offspring and/or relieving stress. The second is that sex is whatever you feel it to be in any moment, and inhibitions, self-pride, boundaries and self-respect be damned. You can call these two “extremes,” if you like, but I don’t see them that way. I see each as a manifestation of insufficient (or no) value for one’s basic self.
In other words, with regard to mind or body, it’s not “either-or” — it’s both. If one has internalized this view with regard to other things, then it will be rather obvious in the sexual area that, “This realm of life is not shameful; but it is private. It is just for myself, and for anyone else who embodies what I’m seeking, both physically and intellectually/emotionally — both mind and body.”
People don’t usually think or speak in these terms, I realize. But in some form, that’s the attitude of someone who would never do a nude selfie to just anyone and everyone. The internal prohibition would not be based on Victorian prudishness or sexually conservative Puritanism; it would be precisely because sex — including one’s personal sexuality — is so personal and important, not because sex is shameful. Many adults have not figured this out, so it stands to reason that even more high school-aged young adults have not, either.
I suspect that some people engaged in the nude selfies are not merely exhibitionist, but also trying to break out of the sexually conservative mold. I would call this a good motive, with a mistaken outcome. Because sex is such a personal and important area of life, it ought to be treated with both playfulness and reverence, but not as a group sport or an adult movie. This is based on the assumption that you value and take yourself seriously. The young guys who take pleasure in showing each other the nude selfies, almost as a form of accomplishment, are displaying emotional immaturity by the standard I’m suggesting.
By the way, I’m not talking about people in relationships who send selfies or do anything of that nature with each other. That’s completely outside the bounds of exhibitionism, because the two people love each other and are attracted to each other physically — and want the exchange. Sexual play within the confines of a committed or any values-based relationship is not the context for the exhibitionism I’m describing here.
These are the kinds of issues at the core of many people’s struggles with various aspects of sexuality. These issues predate the nude selfie, and will probably be around for some time after it’s no longer the newest technological fad.
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