Dear Dr. Hurd, My long-time friend from high school has been married for about ten years. I’m also good friends with the husband. Several weeks ago I saw her husband in a restaurant with another woman. It was obviously an … Continue reading
I write a lot about how reason trumps emotion, when the two conflict. One reader wrote me with the following question raised by a friend, a question he can’t answer: ‘If reason and intellectual focus are the tools to change … Continue reading
One of the biggest mistakes people make in their relationships is taking things personally—things which are not personal. In cognitive psychotherapy, we call this error ‘personalizing.’ Personalizing is usually defined as: ‘Attribution of personal responsibility (or causal role or blame) … Continue reading
Dear Dr. Hurd, Regarding your article, ‘An Unexpected Way to Cope With Anger and Temper’ [Daily Dose of Reason July 14]: This seems like a dangerous way to deal with something. I can understand if you live in a prison … Continue reading
Here’s a technique for coping recently described by someone I know: ‘When you’re really upset at someone, imagine what you want to do to them. It might be something completely wrong or irrational to do in reality; but visualizing it … Continue reading
Dear Dr. Hurd, My husband’s father recently passed away from a heart attack. He wasn’t a particularly healthy eater, but he wasn’t obese, either. Suddenly my husband has completely changed his eating habits. Everything is ‘organic’ and supposedly healthy. Frankly, … Continue reading
In a complex world, we often rely on the knowledge of others—auto mechanics, computer technicians, brain surgeons, etc. Does this mean it’s no longer possible to define self-confidence as trust in your own judgment? No. To rely on the expertise … Continue reading
‘I can’t trust people.’ I hear this from a lot of people, and have come to conclude it’s a widespread problem. What makes it possible to trust someone? The most common answer is, ‘Honesty.’ Or integrity. True enough. But a … Continue reading
Dear Dr. Hurd: I’m 53 years old.. I spend most of my time alone. Thirteen years ago, my wife and I broke up, and I simply cannot get over it. I know how silly it sounds, but when I think … Continue reading
I often hear of people who say, ‘I don’t believe in therapy.’ The premise of the statement is that therapy requires uncritical belief. This may be true of other things, but it’s not true of therapy. You can see for … Continue reading
A reader writes in about what a friend of his had to say about emotions and reason: ‘My conversation partner stated, ‘An emotion is independent of reason. While it might come from a value judgment or past experience, it occurs … Continue reading
Dear Dr. Hurd, A few weeks ago my wife returned home from the hospital after a serious surgical procedure. My wife and I are happy that she is making a swift recovery but there is one thing that has got … Continue reading