Why do people hold on to dysfunctional relationships? I’m talking about friendship or romance here. The latter is obviously more intense, but I find many of the issues are the same with both. The two most common reasons people hold … Continue reading
The way you label things is a reflection of the way you think about things — but also can control the way you think about things. Consider an example. “I have/suffer from depression.” There’s a world of difference between the … Continue reading
Dear Dr. Hurd: My mother is 91 years old. I left my home in another state to come and care for her but due to a heart attack and a broken hip she is now in a nursing home. I … Continue reading
Q: Dr. Hurd, in a recent Daily Dose of Reason column at DrHurd.com, you wrote the following: ‘People are the authors of their own destiny, for better or worse. Let’s be honest. Wasn’t it this idea that religion was designed … Continue reading
Each year, hundreds of thousands of couples seek counseling in an effort to save their troubled relationships. But does marital therapy work? Not nearly as well as it should, researchers say. Two years after ending counseling, studies find, 25 percent … Continue reading
Dear Dr. Hurd: I found your web site after searching for answers as to why a man I had been dating internalized a comment I made about myself, then fell apart and ended our relationship. The day before he told … Continue reading
A reader asks: Is there a difference between self-pity and depression? Yes, but … I’m uneasy with the premise of the question. I’ll explain. Let’s first define self-pity. Generally, when a person accuses oneself or another of self-pity, it’s an … Continue reading
Here’s a new phrase for you: anticipatory regret. It sounds a bit abstract, but it’s a very real problem inhibiting a fair number of people. The (usually subconscious) reasoning goes like this: “I could make a course correction in this … Continue reading
When people reject the need for introspection as a ‘waste of time,’ they’re denying objective reality. The objective reality at stake is their consciousness. Consciousness consists of thoughts and feelings. Thoughts and feelings—including ones outside of awareness—are mental events. This … Continue reading
It’s drummed into our heads that true friendship and true love are selfless. Nobody attempts to practice this principle consistently. It would be ridiculous. Choosing a friend (or romantic partner) selflessly? Choosing a friend precisely because he shares none of … Continue reading
You hear it all the time, at least if you’re in a profession such as mine—where people hire you for answers, objective perspective, advice or feedback. One spouse or family member says the following about another: ‘When I tell him … Continue reading
‘I have no expectations.’ Or, ‘I didn’t know what to expect.’ (The implication being that ‘I had no expectations.’) People say this a lot. And they generally believe it when they say it; but it still cannot be true. Why … Continue reading