Goals are based on two things: (1) ‘What’s important to me?’ and (2) ‘What can I do to experience this important thing in my life?’ Make sure you remember the basics. People sometimes set goals ‘just because’ ‘just because others … Continue reading
When someone claims “I want to help you” or “I want to help him” what they often mean is: “I want to change you.” Another version is “I want her to get help” which really means: “I want her to … Continue reading
Q: I don’t think I understand your conclusion regarding “Career Like Marriage” [see Daily Dose of Reason for March 6, 2010]. Are you saying that by accepting less than one’s ideal romantic or career choices, one precludes the possibility of … Continue reading
A career choice is like a marriage. If you had 3 women (or men) from which to choose but you know you love none of them, then it makes sense to marry none of them. This is because you would … Continue reading
Think of your mind as a camera. You can focus the camera wherever you choose. You can fixate on one scene. Or you can diversify, moving from scene to scene. This is something you can consciously do. If it doesn’t … Continue reading
Finances and a general sense of overall ‘security’ are THE reason people stay in unhappy marriages, in my experience. That’s why I believe it’s important to never marry someone (much less have children) until you can afford the lifestyle you … Continue reading
Empathy is not something you feel on command. It’s only something that you feel towards someone of value to you, in some context. You don’t feel empathy for their sake. You feel empathy as a natural and logical outgrowth of … Continue reading
A good, principled way to cut off political (or similar) discussion: “You’re not going to convince me; so we might as well talk about something else.” Reasonable people accept this because, as reasonable people they understand that conclusions cannot be … Continue reading
Why does most self-help — even intelligent self-help — fail or flounder? Because it’s not the techniques of self-help that count most. It’s the commitment and awareness required to place such techniques into your life. Any technique a therapist suggests, … Continue reading
Negative self-talk consists of the belief that reality is basically unfriendly to you personally, while it’s basically friendly to others. But reality doesn’t have a will and consciousness of its own. Reality doesn’t arbitrarily and unjustly pick out some people … Continue reading
To love someone, you must love them as they are. You have to honestly and sincerely love them as they are. If you honestly can’t, then you can’t force it or fake it. Appeals to duty or rationalization (‘Well, I … Continue reading
Q: I have friends who are in relationships, but have no qualms about cheating on their partners. Still, they are able to keep their relationships. Me, however, who would be respectful of my partner, and would never lie, does not … Continue reading