Q: I have friends who are in relationships, but have no qualms about cheating on their partners. Still, they are able to keep their relationships. Me, however, who would be respectful of my partner, and would never lie, does not … Continue reading
Category: Psychology & Self-Improvement
Shame, Shame, Shame
Shame is a major fuel of irrational, unnecessary anxiety. Shame is not the same as guilt. The emotion of guilt applies (rightly or wrongly) to remorse over one’s actions; shame refers to remorse over one’s thoughts or even emotions (in … Continue reading
Relax…But
Sometimes — not always, but sometimes — it’s good to defer relaxation. By deferring relaxation, you make the quality of your relaxation time better, even if the quantity is somewhat smaller. By ‘quality’ I mean a feeling of satisfaction while … Continue reading
Change Isn’t Failure
People are often afraid to change, even when change is necessary and rational. Take career, for instance. “I can’t change my career. It would be an admission of failure!” Why is this? People often have more than one romantic partner/marriage … Continue reading
Married or Not
In a romantic relationship, one cannot demand change of the other partner as an entitlement. It’s always OK to request change. Request is not the same as demand. Demand is when something ‘is due me as an entitlement.’ None of … Continue reading
Doing the Same Thing Over and Over
Doing the same thing over and over again while expecting different results — this is a symptom of insanity, but not its definition. The symptom comes from a lack of objectivity about oneself and one’s actions. When you see what … Continue reading
Handling Criticism
People who are hypersensitive to criticism are often people-pleasers. For example, they hold the irrational belief, in the form of an unstated emotion: “Everyone must like me at all times.” Because of this false belief, held subconsciously and emotionally, they … Continue reading
Of One Mind
People who accomplish something significant are single-minded about it. You can’t be single-minded about multiple things; it’s a contradiction in terms. You have to decide what your passion is and pursue it with relentless vigor, at least if you want … Continue reading
The Blame Game is Self-Defeating
You’re not responsible for what someone tells you to do — but you are responsible if you chose to listen. If someone is wrong, the error is their own, but your own error lies in that you listened to them. … Continue reading
Delete
You can’t simply hit “delete,” as with a computer file or an email, on an unpleasant memory or emotional experience. However, you can open new files. You can put whatever you want into those new files and — since you … Continue reading
The Difficult Child
Behavioral therapies can be seductive, especially to parents who want a quick fix for a difficult child. The danger of behavioral therapy, however, lies in its failure to recognize the importance of the mind, even in a young child. Granted, … Continue reading
Truth Isn’t a Vote
Most people form their opinions based on the conclusions of at least one, and usually two or more significant people. It’s as if someone else holding a viewpoint makes it valid or real, but until you find a person holding … Continue reading