Empathy is not something you feel on command. It’s only something that you feel towards someone of value to you, in some context. You don’t feel empathy for their sake. You feel empathy as a natural and logical outgrowth of … Continue reading
A good, principled way to cut off political (or similar) discussion: “You’re not going to convince me; so we might as well talk about something else.” Reasonable people accept this because, as reasonable people they understand that conclusions cannot be … Continue reading
Why does most self-help — even intelligent self-help — fail or flounder? Because it’s not the techniques of self-help that count most. It’s the commitment and awareness required to place such techniques into your life. Any technique a therapist suggests, … Continue reading
Negative self-talk consists of the belief that reality is basically unfriendly to you personally, while it’s basically friendly to others. But reality doesn’t have a will and consciousness of its own. Reality doesn’t arbitrarily and unjustly pick out some people … Continue reading
To love someone, you must love them as they are. You have to honestly and sincerely love them as they are. If you honestly can’t, then you can’t force it or fake it. Appeals to duty or rationalization (‘Well, I … Continue reading
Q: I have friends who are in relationships, but have no qualms about cheating on their partners. Still, they are able to keep their relationships. Me, however, who would be respectful of my partner, and would never lie, does not … Continue reading
Shame is a major fuel of irrational, unnecessary anxiety. Shame is not the same as guilt. The emotion of guilt applies (rightly or wrongly) to remorse over one’s actions; shame refers to remorse over one’s thoughts or even emotions (in … Continue reading
Sometimes — not always, but sometimes — it’s good to defer relaxation. By deferring relaxation, you make the quality of your relaxation time better, even if the quantity is somewhat smaller. By ‘quality’ I mean a feeling of satisfaction while … Continue reading
People are often afraid to change, even when change is necessary and rational. Take career, for instance. “I can’t change my career. It would be an admission of failure!” Why is this? People often have more than one romantic partner/marriage … Continue reading
In a romantic relationship, one cannot demand change of the other partner as an entitlement. It’s always OK to request change. Request is not the same as demand. Demand is when something ‘is due me as an entitlement.’ None of … Continue reading
Doing the same thing over and over again while expecting different results — this is a symptom of insanity, but not its definition. The symptom comes from a lack of objectivity about oneself and one’s actions. When you see what … Continue reading
People who are hypersensitive to criticism are often people-pleasers. For example, they hold the irrational belief, in the form of an unstated emotion: “Everyone must like me at all times.” Because of this false belief, held subconsciously and emotionally, they … Continue reading