People sometimes say, “He’s having a hard time because of his situation” or, “I’m depressed because of what happened to me.” Actually, it’s not events (or people) that “make” you feel a certain way. It’s your thoughts and ideas that … Continue reading
Many people wonder about the feasibility of working from home if there’s a lack of self-discipline. Work discipline is a two-way street. When it’s time to work (by rationally predetermined guidelines), then it’s time to work. Likewise, when it’s NOT … Continue reading
If you carry your childhood with you, you never become older. — Author unknown
Q: Dr. Hurd, how can cognitive therapists such as yourself say that you have responsibility for your feelings? I don’t feel what I feel on purpose! A: Your feelings are the consequence of your thoughts and ideas. In fact, your … Continue reading
It’s reasonable to feel hurt and disappointed by people when they do disappointing things. However, it’s a complete mistake to apply these feelings, beliefs or standards to anyone new, or to people in general. Every person you encounter and meet … Continue reading
The path to any difficult goal is, by definition — difficult. That’s where two virtues come in handy: Persistence and commitment. The definiton of persistence is obvious; it refers to sticking to your goal regardless of how you feel on … Continue reading
It’s actually hard for everyone to form deep and meaningful relationships. They don’t come along every day. But the potential is always there. One of the great things about love is that it flourishes in all societies. No matter how … Continue reading
How can I say that addiction is a choice, rather than a disease? Let’s put it this way. When addictive behaviors end, who or what does the ending? Some people end addiction by going into rehab. Still, once rehab is … Continue reading
The mental health and medical establishment promotes the idea that all emotions and behaviors are determined by brain chemistry. In reality some are, but many are not (and most are not exclusively). Most emotional problems are caused by people doing, … Continue reading
Sometimes doctors (or family members) refer patients or loved ones to therapy to fix something they — the doctor or family member, that is — consider a problem. The motivation for therapy is on the part of the referring party, … Continue reading
“Catastrophizing” refers to a psychological problem in which a person sees things as catastrophes which are not — and as a result always feels tremendous fear or sadness. In that regard, consider that nothing is a catastrophe if you’re here … Continue reading
People often write or ask me: “How do I handle a hostile person if the person is someone I otherwise like, love or value?” My reply: If someone is deliberately insulting or hostile, assume they know what they’re doing. (They … Continue reading