There’s something in psychology called “secondary gain.” This refers to what a person is actually getting out of doing something, even though it’s irrational. You can also call it “subjective gain” or, as I sometimes do, “the symptom serving the … Continue reading
“Owning your feelings” means taking the responsibility for being aware of your feelings and deciding their validity, i.e. whether they are worth acting on. Refusing to do this — letting the feeling “go by” — is self-neglect and leads to … Continue reading
Do you know it because it’s true? Or is it true because you know it?
Sometimes being absent is the best way to be appreciated.
Many people suffer from the false belief that, “These bad things happened in my childhood, and they ruined me.” It’s like saying, “I’m damaged goods.” Actually, no such thing is true — or could be true. The damage from the … Continue reading
Hi Dr. Hurd: I read your “Daily Dose” column and am getting a kick out of these “excuses” and “toxic euphemisms.” One such excuse I have in mind is that of Borderline Personality Disorder. Translation: “I am a jerk and … Continue reading
Dear Dr. Hurd: In the Aug. 23 Daily Dose of Reason, you asked us to send in psychobabble euphemisms that we’ve heard, along with our translations. Here’s mine: My ex-therapist: “You’re suffering from childhood trauma.” Translation: “I’ve rooted out a … Continue reading
“I’m having a bad day.” Translation: “I’m letting everything get to me and I have no power over making myself happy at all!” “He/She makes me so mad!” Translation: “Someone else has that kind of power over how I react … Continue reading
The medical model applied to psychotherapy and counseling fosters the idea that “treatment” and “diagnosis” of one’s “mental conditions” is something that is largely external. Either something or someone is going to cure you and “make” you feel all better. … Continue reading
Those in the self-helping industry love to use language to conceal what they’re really saying. I call this brand of self-help professional the “politician of spirit.” Consider some examples, along with the translations into plain English. e.g. “I suffer from … Continue reading
Worrying doesn’t work. Rational people sometimes worry because they mistakenly view it as thinking, or planning. It isn’t. Worry is indiscriminate thinking. It’s irrational thinking, thinking that leads nowhere. Thinking is profoundly important. It’s the human means of survival and … Continue reading
People who take something on and think, “How hard can it be?” almost always find the activity unexpectedly difficult. This is because you can’t take on something competently unless you’re motivated. If you love what you’re doing, it doesn’t seem … Continue reading