“I’m having a bad day.” Translation: “I’m letting everything get to me and I have no power over making myself happy at all!” “He/She makes me so mad!” Translation: “Someone else has that kind of power over how I react … Continue reading
The medical model applied to psychotherapy and counseling fosters the idea that “treatment” and “diagnosis” of one’s “mental conditions” is something that is largely external. Either something or someone is going to cure you and “make” you feel all better. … Continue reading
Those in the self-helping industry love to use language to conceal what they’re really saying. I call this brand of self-help professional the “politician of spirit.” Consider some examples, along with the translations into plain English. e.g. “I suffer from … Continue reading
Worrying doesn’t work. Rational people sometimes worry because they mistakenly view it as thinking, or planning. It isn’t. Worry is indiscriminate thinking. It’s irrational thinking, thinking that leads nowhere. Thinking is profoundly important. It’s the human means of survival and … Continue reading
People who take something on and think, “How hard can it be?” almost always find the activity unexpectedly difficult. This is because you can’t take on something competently unless you’re motivated. If you love what you’re doing, it doesn’t seem … Continue reading
Reasons people don’t find a romantic partner, husband, wife, spouse, whatever? Here are several: 1) Not looking persistently enough. This means always being on the lookout, and always ‘following a lead.’ Yes, it can include dating services, but it also … Continue reading
The error of rationalism is thinking that an important idea can strike you without cause. Actually, an ‘aha’ moment can occur, although it’s usually not so dramatic and sudden. But even if such a thing did occur—’Yes, THIS is my … Continue reading
Q: Dear Dr. Hurd, I live in New York City, and while it’s a wonderful place to live, it’s filled with liberals who don’t share my political views. The problem is that while I’m not a liberal, I’m not some … Continue reading
We can actually choose our reactions, in the following way: We can choose to be continuously aware of our inner reactions, and to bend them to objective reality, or let them stand not subjected to reality. If you accept this … Continue reading
Ultimately reason, facts and logic are more powerful than fear. The fear only seems powerful, but it isn’t, and once you start to ‘get’ this, it becomes easier. Fear is an indicator that you are in danger—not necessarily physical danger, … Continue reading
Medication makes you forget. Cognitive psychotherapy helps you think. The first helps you escape reality. It makes sense if reality is bad, and is not in any way changeable. The second helps you face it, and is always a good … Continue reading
Q: Dr. Hurd, what do you think of the idea of staying in an unhappy marriage for the sake of the children? A: Here’s the problem with the concept of staying married/not staying married for the children’s sake. When you’re … Continue reading