Top 3 Reasons People Don’t Find Partners

Reasons people don’t find a romantic partner, husband, wife, spouse, whatever? Here are several:

1) Not looking persistently enough. This means always being on the lookout, and always ‘following a lead.’ Yes, it can include dating services, but it also means pursuing anyone, anywhere at any time you find interesting—to the degree that it’s appropriate and that they’ll allow, of course. I don’t mean to suggest obsessing on finding someone at the expense of all else. I do mean always having it in the back of your mind, and being ready to pursue someone who unexpectedly pops up in your life, or otherwise shows interest.

2) Irrational fear of rejection. In a romantic context, rejection is the norm. Most people you like will not like you back, in a romantic way, or will already be with someone. Also, most people who like you, you will not like back—at least in a romantic way. Love is all about two people who like each other a certain way finding each other at the right time. It’s a tall order! It will be the exceptional case—for you or absolutely anyone—to find someone who loves you back the same way you love them, and at the right time. It’s an always unlikely but ultimately (over the course of one’s life) probable occurrence—with persistence and with continued self-improvement, something you’d presumably be doing for yourself anyway.

3) Wasting time and energy on people or activities that take away from the energy and motivation required to engage in the above. Toxic people take away disproportionately from the sense of serenity and inner happiness required to attract a good partner. (They take it away only because you let them.) The best time to attract a good partner is when you are maximally engaged in, and happy about, your career, your interests, and your friendships. This general state of happiness creates a ‘glow’ that appeals to most others and gives you more choices. Someone who meets you obviously wants you to be single, and available. But they also want you otherwise happy.