Conclusion of yesterday’s column. In a personal relationship, the basic underlying principle is the same. Your spouse won’t love you if you’re always looking to start a fight. However, your spouse also won’t love you if you’re a doormat and … Continue reading
I often tell people to be aware of their expectations regarding spouses and romantic partners. The knee-jerk reaction is typically, ‘Expectations? I don’t have expectations!’ First of all, what’s wrong with having expectations? We all want and expect things. It’s … Continue reading
Q: Dr. Hurd, numerous times you have written about how negative past events in our lives should not be a focus, regarding an excuse or justification for our current lives, correct? I was just thinking about this. So to apply … Continue reading
A reader writes: I certainly don’t deny the idea that it’s important to change false beliefs and implement correct ones, as you emphasize in your books and writings. However, I submit that this picture is insufficient. It leaves out any … Continue reading
Dr. Hurd: What is your thought on people who DISAGREE? I bring this up because many times people disagree. We disagree on many different levels. From music and artistic tastes, to ethics and morality. Not so much on the superficial … Continue reading
Putting off big decisions is harder than making them. Here’s why. When you put off a decision, you feel the lack of respect that comes from refusing to “step up” and take command of your own life. Think of how … Continue reading
Dear Dr. Hurd, I am considering getting some psychotherapy. However, I was wondering if you could answer this theoretical question: Is it always possible to recover psychologically from profound breaches of integrity (i.e., acting against one’s deepest fundamental values)? I’m … Continue reading
A reader wrote in the following about my article on the irrationality of regrets: “Regret is a hard-wired involuntary reaction to a mistake. I prefer to believe Mother Nature than your line of reasoning. Regret ‘purifies’ our decision-making. A self-help … Continue reading
Regrets are pointless. People sometimes say or think, “I wish I had that situation to do over again. I’d do it differently.” What do you regret about the situation? That you made a mistake? If you made a mistake, then … Continue reading
‘Life’s not fair! I’m gettin’ a raw deal!’ We hear it just about every day. Life is neither fair nor unfair. Only people can be fair or unfair. ‘Fairness’ presupposes a set of concepts (or ideas) about justice, grounded in … Continue reading
Q: Your ideas on psychology and self-help make sense. I know they are rational, but I don’t always feel them. My logic is rational, but my feelings are not. What am I supposed to do? Just ignore my feelings? What … Continue reading
Conclusion of yesterday’s column. Rationalization # 3: ‘It’s OK to lie if the subject is nobody else’s business.’ This rationalization implies that if someone is violating your privacy, you have no other choice but to lie to them. If, in … Continue reading