Cheapness is often about fear and control

…a comfortable retirement. Even a simple trip to the grocery store elicits complaints and grumbling. Why does he act like this, and is there anything I can do about it? I hope my email reaches you through our ancient, hamster-powered computer.   Dear Reader, First of all, I want to caution you about something. You say your husband ‘makes’ you feel guilty. Nobody can MAKE you feel guilty about anything. The reason you feel guilty is because you all… Continue reading

“Doctor, Please Pour Me a Drink?”

…s, deliberate and ongoing choice to initiate thought! To prove this point, simply think of two people with comparable brains who exercise very different choices about how (or even whether) to use their respective brains. Define mental health. Definitions vary widely, but in some form most of them boil down to something like a sense of inner peace, calm and serenity. This refers to an emotional state that cannot be purchased. Not by a $10 drink, an… Continue reading

Emotional Pollution

…they’re there nonetheless. Counselor Margaret Paul, Ph.D., suggests that ‘Complaining is a ‘pull’ on other people. Complainers are pulling on others for caring and understanding because they have emotionally abandoned themselves. They are like demanding little children. The problem is that most people dislike being pulled on and demanded of. Most people don’t want emotional responsibility for another person and will withdraw in the face of anothe… Continue reading

What Does It Mean to “Have” Narcissistic Personality “Disorder”?

…ledge hammer to condemn not only irrational people, but also those who are simply interested in pursuing their own legitimate happiness without imposing on others. In a bygone era, an overbearing manipulator who wanted to beat down an intelligent or private person would do so by calling him “selfish.” This term served as a tactic of intimidation, as a way to imply: “Do what I say, and do what I want, regardless of what you think makes most sense,… Continue reading

Has your marriage gone stale?

…It’s very likely that your husband feels threatened. Not romantically, but simply because you find something appealing about the friendship that he feels HE should provide. In short, he wants to be everything for you. As real as that may seem to him, however, his feelings are not realistic. No one person can meet all of another’s needs. This male, non-romantic friendship of yours obviously meets a need that your husband can’t fill. Be understandin… Continue reading

The Virginia Tech massacre: Some criminal minds are beyond help

…age of hopelessness, despair and, in many cases, anger, where he or she is simply seeking escape through suicide. There might be a desire to emotionally hurt others, expressed by the feeling, ‘I’ll show you! I’ll end it all, and then you won’t have me to kick around anymore.’ But, while suicide is undeniably tragic, it isn’t terrorism. The desire to destroy others is completely different. In his outstanding book, Inside the Criminal Mind, psycholo… Continue reading

Are Depression and Self-Pity the Same Thing?

…pressed. Lacking energy? It must be depression. It couldn’t be that you’re simply tired, or ate too much. Disappointed in your result on a test or a review by a boss or customer? It must be depression. I don’t like or understand why you’re acting a certain way, but don’t want to say so and thereby risk conflict with you, or be seen by others as “mean” or judgmental? Then it’s easier just to say you’re depressed. You’re an employer and you don’t wa… Continue reading

Good therapy for your marriage

…s ‘as vibrant and healthy as possible.’ (People often make appointments to simply ‘fine-tune’ some aspect of their life.) The reader goes on to ask which school of thought or type of therapist he should seek out. It’s hard to tell a therapist’s viewpoint just by a label, but a cognitive-behavioral (solution-focused) philosophy is most often the best choice. Therapists who actually practice what they claim will focus on real, measurable progress. T… Continue reading

If Obama is Right About Self-Sacrifice, Why Not a Military Draft?

…s concluded something is good. You cannot compel love. Rangel speaks as if simply compelling people to go through the motions of a patriotic action — serving one’s country in the military — will, by itself, make one patriotic. The implication here is that an emotion such as patriotism consists of going through the behavioral motions of country-loving. It has nothing to do with thoughts, ideas, premises, emotions or anything at all pertaining to co… Continue reading

Striving for Dry: Facts and Fantasy about “Recovery”

…n paradigm, and I don’t wish to argue with them about it, or support it. I simply look at the facts as people describe them to me, allow them to vent, and then talk and reason with them about those facts, and try to make logical sense of them. Religious or non-religious, we all need reason and emotional ventilation.   What are some of the reasons that people end up addicted? I don’t think anyone knows for sure, or if there even is one simple reaso… Continue reading

Economic Ignorance Will Kill America (Part 1 of 2)

…would have been no crisis in 2008. The President and Federal Reserve Chief simply would have said, ‘Not a problem. Citibank and Bank of America going under? We’ll just give capital to anyone who needs it.’ An economy does not work that way, Mr. Lewis. A laissez-faire capitalist economy does not work that way, and a government-regulated economy with a centralized Federal Reserve Chief does not work that way, either. Neither money — nor credit — com Continue reading

A Beggar Society is Not a Great Society

…sage wrote, they speak of wealth as if it’s a “spontaneous outpouring.” Or simply a given. The central task of government, according to the unchallenged “wisdom” of our day, is to make sure that wealth goes to those who most deserve it. In practice, it’s an ugly business. It might not be as ugly as in the days of Soviet Russia, when property was literally seized by the government and millions were massacred for the sake of the “public good.” But t… Continue reading