Many people are trained to believe that it’s always right to compromise, i.e., to meet the other person halfway. That might sound nice, but in my experience it doesn’t always work. In my experience, two things must be true before … Continue reading
A reader emails me about disagreements she has with her friend. Their differences are on fundamental levels, and she wonders if there is a point that two people reach when the gap between their values is simply too wide. She … Continue reading
‘Tiz the season for HOA and condo meetings! It also signals a flurry of emails to me with questions/comments about difficult people. For example, this one: A Delaware Coast Press reader tells me that her new HOA president is just … Continue reading
A Delaware Wave reader sent me a rather anxious email. He’s seeking “closure” from his girlfriend who recently dumped him. Closure is a vague but popular concept that hopes for a neat, painless ending along with the detached perspective of … Continue reading
People occasionally confide to me that they don’t believe in therapy, life coaching or any kind of professional help. When I ask them to clarify, it often boils down to the idea that such help requires “uncritical belief.” Well, that … Continue reading
Pop psychology (mostly in the vast wasteland of daytime TV) loves to tout psychotherapy as “dealing with the past.” At least part of that comes from the feel-good prattle that pervades shows like Oprah, Ellen and the like. But when … Continue reading
The “stay-at-home” trend has generated some interesting comments from my clients. Some couples are finding that all this togetherness isn’t quite as easy as they thought it might be. Many seek advice about this, but the truth is that marital … Continue reading
A Cornell University study asks, “Why do teens do stupid things?” My response: “Well, not so fast.” Not all teens do stupid things. There’s nothing about being young that makes stupidity inevitable. It’s true that teens don’t have the knowledge … Continue reading
A website visitor writes, “I have a friend who projects her shortcomings and personality faults onto others; holding them accountable for those actions or inactions. For example, she’s always late, yet she expresses anger when others are late. Why does … Continue reading
Around this time of year I often get questions about personal growth and how it changes relationships with friends, romantic partners and family. When people improve themselves in ways that increase their self-esteem and confidence, their relationships also change. I … Continue reading
A reader emails: “Dear Dr. Hurd, my brother is 32. He doesn’t work. He, his wife and daughter live with our mother. They scrape by on disability, food stamps and our Mom’s generosity. I believe that his disrespect and mooching … Continue reading
This may sound strange coming from someone trained as a mental health professional, but I’m perpetually disgusted with the majority of self-help babble in bookstores, or worse yet on daytime TV. My gripe is with the emphasis on “how to.” … Continue reading