…must know that their minds and thinking skills, not cool backpacks and the latest iPhone, are the most crucial components of self-esteem and happiness. Even the best teachers can’t completely tackle this responsibility. In fact, teachers, parents and mental health providers can actually undercut a child’s intellectual needs by labeling him and then walking on eggshells around him, providing the child with the perfect excuse to dodge any responsibi… Continue reading →

…unpleasant, they’re shocked. Sometimes we run up against others’ denial. A common example involves older parents, assisted living and the like. I have a friend whose father, living alone in his late eighties, will face both financial and logistical difficulty if he doesn’t make a change in his living arrangements. Dad’s (very understandable) reaction was, at first, classic denial. “I’ve lived in the same house for years. I don’t need to change now… Continue reading →

…rategy. Think about the best method for moving yourself toward where you’d really like to be. Demystify it by making the details concrete and real. Be sure to evaluate your emotions along the way, i.e., “What if my plan works and I get the job I want. How do I feel about it?” If you’ve been realistic with your decisions, then the prospect of making the change will bring you a sense of happy anticipation. If you’re afraid that your plan won’t work,… Continue reading →

…age of “attention deficits” — real OR imagined. But instant gratification comes with a price. You could end up feeling foolish (at best), or (at worst) damaging a relationship. To make sure you can stand behind your feelings, pay attention to the subject of thought. Thought provides the “big picture” that feelings can never provide. Feelings tend to focus on “right now,” but thought helps us focus on facts that might not feel relevant at the mome… Continue reading →