One of the most annoying qualities a person can display is smugness. Smugness distinguishes itself from confidence in that it’s based on the unearned and undeserved, rather than the honestly achieved. As a result, smugness is pretentious and self-conscious, while … Continue reading
Conclusion of yesterday’s columnHow to Act During a Breakup Learn—or relearn—the value of scheduling your personal life. When you were married or coupled, you defaulted to the relationship. You did what you wanted to do together, sometimes scheduled and sometimes … Continue reading
Everyone knows that breaking up is hard to do. But few know how to do it right. What behaviors are rational under the difficult circumstances of a breakup? And what sort of thinking is required to make it possible to … Continue reading
Q: Isn’t coaching by phone (or email, or online chat) a bad idea, since the therapist/coach is unable to see the facial expressions and body movements of the client? A: According to a cognitive-behavioral therapist, the basic purpose of … Continue reading
The following is an excerpt from Dr. Michael Hurd’s most recent book, “Bad Therapy Good Therapy (And How to Tell the Difference)” available on this webiste: From Oprah to Dr. Phil, from Venus to Mars and all the other self-proclaimed … Continue reading
What does it mean to feel “emotionally safe” with someone? Usually, we think of “safety” as a physical matter. We seek or want safety from a violent criminal, or a terrorist, or perhaps someone who would steal our life’s savings. … Continue reading
I ran across a saying (author unknown) recently: “Sometimes when things are falling apart they may actually be falling into place.” In other words: Perspective matters. You cannot lie to yourself. You can’t pretend a bad thing is a good … Continue reading
In their relationships, many people think they’re avoiding trouble by not fighting. They look at the absence of fighting as indication that the relationship is healthy. This is a dangerous way to approach things. The absence of fighting does not … Continue reading
Purpose is an objective requirement of happiness. If you don’t have a sense of purpose, life will start to seem pointless and unfocused. This is why retired people often get depressed. It’s not that retiring is wrong. You just have … Continue reading
There’s a lot of confusion, I find, about the question of “being positive.” A lot of people reject the idea of “being positive.” But when asked for a definition of being positive, they seem to assume that it means: ignoring … Continue reading
I liked this comment from a reader about my column entitled, “What I Don’t Get About the Holidays”: Good post. Also, what I don’t get is the craziness of this ‘gift giving’ for the sake of ‘gift giving’ and to … Continue reading
People ask me, “Do you have anything special planned for the holidays?” My honest answer is always, “I do what I want all year. I love my work and I only do other things that I enjoy. I really don’t … Continue reading