What does it mean to feel “emotionally safe” with someone? Usually, we think of “safety” as a physical matter. We seek or want safety from a violent criminal, or a terrorist, or perhaps someone who would steal our life’s savings. … Continue reading
I ran across a saying (author unknown) recently: “Sometimes when things are falling apart they may actually be falling into place.” In other words: Perspective matters. You cannot lie to yourself. You can’t pretend a bad thing is a good … Continue reading
In their relationships, many people think they’re avoiding trouble by not fighting. They look at the absence of fighting as indication that the relationship is healthy. This is a dangerous way to approach things. The absence of fighting does not … Continue reading
Purpose is an objective requirement of happiness. If you don’t have a sense of purpose, life will start to seem pointless and unfocused. This is why retired people often get depressed. It’s not that retiring is wrong. You just have … Continue reading
There’s a lot of confusion, I find, about the question of “being positive.” A lot of people reject the idea of “being positive.” But when asked for a definition of being positive, they seem to assume that it means: ignoring … Continue reading
I liked this comment from a reader about my column entitled, “What I Don’t Get About the Holidays”: Good post. Also, what I don’t get is the craziness of this ‘gift giving’ for the sake of ‘gift giving’ and to … Continue reading
People ask me, “Do you have anything special planned for the holidays?” My honest answer is always, “I do what I want all year. I love my work and I only do other things that I enjoy. I really don’t … Continue reading
Dear Dr. Hurd: My sister has been living her life for the past 8 years unsure of what she wants to do. She’s always been interested in an array of things and can never make up her mind on which … Continue reading
Fear is the great inhibitor. When rational, fear is life-serving and life-protecting. However, the purpose of fear is avoidance. You rationally avoid things in order to obtain what life has to offer. You avoid an oncoming car when crossing a … Continue reading
Dear Dr. Hurd: I have two good friends who live in a “red” state, where gay marriage (or even civil unions) are not recognized. They decided in September to exchange vows in New York City when they were visiting. They … Continue reading
I am in the driver’s seat of my life. I won’t run others down on the road, and I will respect others who are on the road; but where I go is entirely up to me. I won’t forsake either … Continue reading
It’s said that ‘opposites attract’ and this is often true, in love and even friendship. People happily in love sometimes say, ‘He (or she) completes me.’ Is this really true? And is it healthy, if it is? The key is … Continue reading