One of the biggest impediments to human associations is the unwillingness to say what you think and request what you want. Notice how I phrase this. I say ‘request’ what you want. None of us are entitled to something—time, or … Continue reading
Self-help and psychology spend a lot of time exploring ‘how to find love’ or ‘how to keep the love that you want.’ But rarely do we actually take the time to ask: ‘What is love?’ To start this study, I’ll … Continue reading
Q: What are your thoughts on the psychology behind the old saying, ‘the grass is always greener,’ where people search endlessly for something better than what they already have? Is that an unhealthy mindset? I know that it’s always good … Continue reading
Dear Dr. Hurd: When someone in a romantic relationship expresses no preferences for both small things and values, are they compromising or self-sacrificing? Is it wrong to resent a love interest who consistently does this to themselves? Dr. Hurd’s … Continue reading
Several readers have asked me to be more specific about the difference between “short term compromises” and all-out sacrifice, the latter of which I’ve written should not be part of romantic love or marriage. A short-term compromise is doing something … Continue reading
I’ve been doing some research on the upcoming DSM-5. The DSM-5 is the diagnostic manual of the American Psychiatric Association. It’s used by all psychotherapists and mental health professionals in diagnosing mental disorders, syndromes and other problems. The current version, … Continue reading
Contrary to the so-called wisdom of the ages, romantic love is not about sacrifice. True love and sacrifice are utter opposites. While occasional, short-term compromises are necessary in all forms of human relationship, a romantic partner never asks you to … Continue reading
There’s a type of personality I call the ‘contrarian.’ The contrarian is someone who disagrees for the sake of disagreeing, nearly all of the time. Most of you probably have encountered this type. Such a person is usually a rationalist. … Continue reading
Dear Dr. Hurd: My first wife and I had two wonderful children together. When they were young she wanted to be divorced. I objected and agreed to go to a counselor. The counselor’s position was, “If it makes you happy, … Continue reading
An excerpt from my recent book, ‘Bad Therapy, Good Therapy: And How to Tell the Difference’: The following statement illustrates the viewpoint of a person influenced by a deterministic, victim-oriented therapist: ‘My mother preached to me. My father beat me. … Continue reading
A DrHurd.com reader asks for my thoughts on the following: A new University of Wisconsin-Madison imaging study shows the brains of people with generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) have weaker connections between a brain structure that controls emotional response and the … Continue reading
I use philosophy in daily life, and I use philosophy while being a therapist. First, let me define what I mean by philosophy. Philosophy has five branches: Metaphysics — In other words, “What is it?” Epistemology — In other words, … Continue reading