We judge ourselves by what we feel capable of doing, while others judge us by what we have already done. — Henry Wadsworth Longfellow And it works both ways! If you underestimate your potential, or if you ignore your prior … Continue reading
Dear Dr. Hurd, My husband and I (no children) have been very happy for the last four years. Up until now. He has become Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. He’s fine one minute, then, in response to the slightest thing, … Continue reading
Which is more important: Mental health or personal responsibility? I say both—equally. Why? Because the two are intertwined. A mentally healthy person understands that emotions result from thoughts. In other words, it isn’t possible to say or think, ‘You made … Continue reading
Dear Dr. Hurd: I’ve learned to ride a bike. I cannot unlearn this, unless through a physical event such as a stroke or accident. I cannot replace this learning by learning to ride a motorcycle or any other vehicle. I … Continue reading
I’ll start with a question from several readers of this column: Is it possible to be a ‘rush-a-holic?’ The term implies an ‘addiction’ to rushing. Is it possible that someone would actually enjoy rushing? It’s probably not rushing itself that … Continue reading
Dear Dr. Hurd, My husband and I have been together for ten years. We enjoy socializing with our coupled friends, but we find that we often like one member of the pair more than the other. To make it worse, … Continue reading
Conclusion of yesterday’s column. Hitler’s Nazism belongs to the history of 1930s and 1940s Europe. But the premises underlying Nazism are alive and well in the United States as of the early twenty-first century. Last year’s tragedy in Connecticut brought … Continue reading
Dear Dr. Hurd, My long-time friend from high school has been married for about ten years. I’m also good friends with the husband. Several weeks ago I saw her husband in a restaurant with another woman. It was obviously an … Continue reading
I write a lot about how reason trumps emotion, when the two conflict. One reader wrote me with the following question raised by a friend, a question he can’t answer: ‘If reason and intellectual focus are the tools to change … Continue reading
One of the biggest mistakes people make in their relationships is taking things personally—things which are not personal. In cognitive psychotherapy, we call this error ‘personalizing.’ Personalizing is usually defined as: ‘Attribution of personal responsibility (or causal role or blame) … Continue reading
Dear Dr. Hurd, Regarding your article, ‘An Unexpected Way to Cope With Anger and Temper’ [Daily Dose of Reason July 14]: This seems like a dangerous way to deal with something. I can understand if you live in a prison … Continue reading
Here’s a technique for coping recently described by someone I know: ‘When you’re really upset at someone, imagine what you want to do to them. It might be something completely wrong or irrational to do in reality; but visualizing it … Continue reading