We always hear that after suffering a break-up, you must — above all — avoid the “rebound” effect. If you enter a relationship “too soon” after the breakup of another relationship, it’s automatically and always unhealthy and will always end … Continue reading
Anger is a response to a perceived or actual injustice. If you believe somebody acted in a wrong way (by some standard of “wrong”), and could/should have made a different choice, then you will likely feel angry. Anger can be … Continue reading
In yesterday’s column, I wrote that love does not really require work — or the miserable sacrifices so many people claim. I received some interesting responses. One reader wrote: Good relationships require some self-sacrificial love. If the balance is off … Continue reading
Is your romantic relationship or marriage, on the whole, smooth and effortless? Or is there a constant sense of walking on eggshells, and trying not to offend the other? It’s a myth that good relationships take constant work. They don’t. … Continue reading
“Is this normal?” “Am I normal?” Psychotherapists hear this question all the time. The question is based upon a flawed premise and a flawed definition. Normal is not a substitute for “rational.” Normal refers to a statistical concept—essentially, to what … Continue reading
Changing negative first impressions is difficult. A person who forms a negative impression of another person will be less inclined to meet that person a second time because that person has been judged in a negative light. Without subsequent meetings, … Continue reading
You can’t change others. Neither can a psychotherapist, no matter how competent or insightful. Isn’t it still possible to influence others, if not change them? Absolutely. But successful “influence” presupposes that somebody is open to being influenced. Or, more specifically: … Continue reading
Why do so many kids and their parents feel they have to fill every spare moment? Is it pressure to get into the top schools? Or is it worry that they’ll become couch potatoes or delinquents? My experience has shown … Continue reading
Does integrity matter in romantic love? Without structural integrity, a building will collapse. A bridge without structural integrity will cause cars to plunge into the water. A ship without integrity will sink. A plane without integrity will fall out of … Continue reading
The prevailing idea about addiction is that it’s not a choice, but an illness. By and large, this idea is promoted by the mental health industry, the prevailing academic establishment, organized religions and Alcoholics Anonymous/Narcotics Anonymous. Yet are they right? … Continue reading
Do you and your spouse argue over money? Perhaps you have heard of couples who find it helpful to have separate finances and bank accounts. What makes certain couples reach the decision to handle money in this way? Many reasons … Continue reading
Two approaches to life, especially in the business or professional environment, characterize most human interactions. The first is the adversarial mentality; the second is the realistic mentality. The adversarial mentality rests upon a series of illogical but (to some people) … Continue reading