…ny the reality that the injustice exists. There is nothing desirable about denial and bitterness. So the question becomes: What do you do with the anger? Do you take suitable action, in proportion to the nature of the injustice? Or do you determine that, for various reasons, it’s not worth it, and let it go? Facts and reason must be your guide. Sometimes we experience what mental health professionals call ‘displaced anger.’ Displaced anger occurs… Continue reading
…can only change them through his own reasoning methods. His therapist can guide him, if he acknowledges something is indeed wrong; a therapist can correct him if he’s willing to be corrected. But it’s pure fantasy — pure magical thinking — on the referring party’s part to expect that the mind can change without its own consent, and without its own willingness to think. This is the problem with applying the medical metaphor to psychotherapy. Reaso… Continue reading
…ng is everywhere. The only way to protect yourself from it is to have confidence in your self-worth and self-reliance. Confidence requires trust in your thoughts and your mind. People who lack self-confidence refuse to accept their own judgment, but they’re quick to believe unfounded claims from ‘gurus’ and others who play the part. Of course, none of us are infallible, and facts can prove any of us wrong at any time. But self-worth means that you… Continue reading
…of human motivation and survival. But none of these things involve someone coming to rescue you and living your life for you. In fact, the best role models and leaders are the ones who don’t even know you, or aren’t overly involved in your lives. You admire them from a distance, and their competence — even against all odds — inspires you to find your own way in life. Life is not the equivalent of a hospital emergency room. Emergencies do sometimes… Continue reading
…that mankind has come as far as it has, with such a lack of good ideas to guide it. Only religion claims to give man ideas, and that hasn’t exactly done the job, has it? My vote is for rationality, self-interest, capitalism, romanticism, secularism, science, technology and individualism. These form the basis for MY “religion” although I won’t call it religion. These ideas have made headway throughout the ages, despite continual attack up through… Continue reading
A therapist is not your doctor; a therapist is your guide. A therapist does not “do” something “to” you to make you better. A therapist goes with you–sometimes advising, sometimes guiding, sometimes simply being there. A therapist is not your friend. A therapist is supposed to be the voice of reason, guiding you to wisdom you already possess. A therapist does not necessarily know more than you. A therapist knows that you can figure out things you… Continue reading
…ly have to take it case by case. Person by person. If you can objectively identify something healthy and enjoyable that you get out of spending time with this person, then pursue that interest and forget the bottomless quagmire of political opinion. Discuss other things you have in common (something must have brought you two together in the first place). Some people might not be open to your political opinions, but will be open to other sorts of p… Continue reading
…ing for you. You can select whomever or whatever you consider important to guide your thinking, but you still have to come to your own conclusions—especially when taking on the responsibility of raising a child. So, a little conflict for your sister and brother-in-law might actually be good, provided they manage that conflict, and the resulting dialogue, in a healthy and rational way. We have to be realistic here. More than ever, young people toda… Continue reading
…ives go wrong. They focus on the warm, fuzzy feelings that are supposed to come from having confidence in your mind, while failing to build that confidence in the first place. What feels better: Looking in the mirror and saying, ‘I’m good, I’m good, I’m good,’ or actually accomplishing something? The same is true for a child. It’s OK to tell them, ‘You’re smart, you can do it.’ But then you have to show them how to think it through. The ideas of M… Continue reading
…They suggest some real, practical, everyday advice: If you’re not happy, focus lesson your mood. Mood is just a symptom. Instead, focus on whether your current daily activities bring challenge and purpose to your life. It sometimes helps to keep a detailed journal for a period of weeks to identify what you’re actually doing and how you’re feeling about it. If your findings show a lack of meaning or purpose, don’t rush to psychiatric medication or… Continue reading
…rate the feelings of hurt from the feelings of anger. As if anger were not complicated enough, human beings make it even more complicated than it has to be. If people better understood how anger can be displaced or even disguised by the mind, there would be less verbal, emotional and physical abuse. Psychological help is worthless unless you’re first willing to acknowledge that maybe you don’t know the true causes of all your emotions. Stop and th… Continue reading
…my time. A person can’t have her beliefs changed for her. A therapist can guide her if she acknowledges something is wrong and is willing to correct it. But a mind will not change without its own consent. An unhealthy fixation on changing others can lead to a sense of isolation. A reader once wrote to me, “I feel conflicted about my loneliness. Sometimes I think the people who appear to be rejecting me are not worth knowing anyway. I want to know… Continue reading