Q: Dr. Hurd, I failed to be connected with my girlfriend in my last relationship. What do you think could cause this problem? I don’t suffer from depression, anxiety or low self-esteem. Why didn’t it work? A: By ‘connected’ I … Continue reading
People are always asking me: How can I become more organized? Here’s an exercise to get you started. Make a ‘brainstorm list’ of as many things as you can possibly think of that exemplify ‘more organized behavior.’ Include things that you … Continue reading
If you wait for happiness, you’ll be disappointed. This is because if happiness comes your way, you won’t understand why or how it did. It will all feel so fragile and uncertain. If happiness doesn’t come your way, then you’ll … Continue reading
It’s best to focus on today, here-and-now, because that’s where you have control. Make reference to the past so as to look at what did and didn’t work, and why. The purpose of doing so isn’t insight for insight’s sake, … Continue reading
Reality is rarely a catastrophe. Repeated efforts to avoid reality make it seem like a catastrophe. Avoiding reality leads to ineffective results, which in turn–over time–can develop into disasters. But most of the time, they’re disasters that need never have … Continue reading
Constructive criticism consists of objective feedback given after the completion of a task. “Hypermanaging” consists of interfering and providing feedback–constructive or otherwise–before a task is completed. For example: “You didn’t do that right.” Reply: “I’m not finished yet.” Counterreply: “That’s … Continue reading
Expertise comes from experience. “Book learning” or abstract knowledge matter too. But they matter only in the context of experience to reinforce and integrate the abstract material. If you have lots of experience at something, you’re definitely an expert. If … Continue reading
Do what makes most sense to you. Try to base it on the facts, and on reason. Don’t be swayed by others–even family and friends. When influenced by them, try to examine their reasoning. Do their conclusions and recommendations follow … Continue reading
It’s not rationalizing when you have rational facts to back up your conclusion — and when you haven’t deliberately left any facts out. I sometimes hear people say, “I have to rationalize my decision.” They say it as if this … Continue reading
To take personal responsibility, psychologically speaking, is to resolve to sit in the driver’s seat of your consciousness. “But I can’t control my emotions,” some will protest. Nor can you control everything on the road, either. Does that mean, if … Continue reading
It’s not your past that makes you who you are. It’s how you interpret your past. If you look at negative past experiences as examples of how NOT to be — and (by implication) indicators of how best to be … Continue reading
Overthinking means unproductive thinking. I don’t like the term “overthinking” because it implies, incorrectly, that a certain amount of thinking is the right amount (what amount? never specified) and to go above or below it is irrational. This is no … Continue reading