A fear of being alone isn’t the same as a natural preference to have friends, and connection. An irrational fear of being alone means you don’t like yourself. So long as you don’t like yourself, you won’t have satisfactory connection. … Continue reading
Just because somebody seems confident doesn’t mean he has something to offer. Don’t be impressed with another just because another is impressed with himself. Confidence is something that is usually quietly held. A person knows what he or she is … Continue reading
Is losing good for your health? You bet it is! It’s not that losing is a good thing. Rationally speaking, it’s clearly better to win than to lose. I don’t just mean this in the competitive sense. Life is less … Continue reading
No rational person would ever say: “I’m just so upset about the weather. I wanted it to be sunny today, and it’s raining. What can be done about this? Is it me? Am I doing something wrong? What advice can … Continue reading
A parent ought to encourage his or her child to (quoting an old Spanish proverb) ‘Take what you want—and pay for it.’ In other words, go after what you want in life, and make sure to be reality-oriented in the … Continue reading
Q: Dr. Hurd, I failed to be connected with my girlfriend in my last relationship. What do you think could cause this problem? I don’t suffer from depression, anxiety or low self-esteem. Why didn’t it work? A: By ‘connected’ I … Continue reading
People are always asking me: How can I become more organized? Here’s an exercise to get you started. Make a ‘brainstorm list’ of as many things as you can possibly think of that exemplify ‘more organized behavior.’ Include things that you … Continue reading
If you wait for happiness, you’ll be disappointed. This is because if happiness comes your way, you won’t understand why or how it did. It will all feel so fragile and uncertain. If happiness doesn’t come your way, then you’ll … Continue reading
It’s best to focus on today, here-and-now, because that’s where you have control. Make reference to the past so as to look at what did and didn’t work, and why. The purpose of doing so isn’t insight for insight’s sake, … Continue reading
Reality is rarely a catastrophe. Repeated efforts to avoid reality make it seem like a catastrophe. Avoiding reality leads to ineffective results, which in turn–over time–can develop into disasters. But most of the time, they’re disasters that need never have … Continue reading
Constructive criticism consists of objective feedback given after the completion of a task. “Hypermanaging” consists of interfering and providing feedback–constructive or otherwise–before a task is completed. For example: “You didn’t do that right.” Reply: “I’m not finished yet.” Counterreply: “That’s … Continue reading
Expertise comes from experience. “Book learning” or abstract knowledge matter too. But they matter only in the context of experience to reinforce and integrate the abstract material. If you have lots of experience at something, you’re definitely an expert. If … Continue reading