Q: Dr. Hurd, how can I combat social anxiety? People think I’m strange and weird. I wonder if people even regard me as a human being. I feel like such an outcast! I always have. Any ideas? A: You really … Continue reading →

In life, ask for what you want. Don’t expect it, as if you’re entitled — unless you are entitled (i.e. you paid for it, a contract was signed). Don’t refrain from asking unless there’s a valid reason not to do so. … Continue reading →

To not care what other people think, you need an alternative. Your emotions are not enough; they’re not really an alternative at all. A strong alternative to what other people think is the notion of objectivity. Objectivity consists of what … Continue reading →

Self-esteem refers to how you feel about yourself. Self-respect refers to how you treat yourself. Many talk a good game about self-esteem. Fewer actually put into practice the ideas that: “life is worthwhile, therefore I am worthwhile and my life … Continue reading →

Shame is like static or interference in a radio, computer or television transmission. It serves no purpose. It gets in the way. Shame is not responsibility. Responsibility is adherence to reality and the willingness to hold in mind all the … Continue reading →

The malevolent universe idea is the notion that life is by its nature difficult, hard and impossible. This attitude is caused by many factors, some of them personal and starting in childhood — for example, an all-pervasive sense that the … Continue reading →

Q: Is there a way to harmonize conscious thoughts and emotions that conflict? A: It’s a process or habit developed over time. You identify a response that you know is irrational or mistaken, but it’s still emotionally present. You decide … Continue reading →

It’s important to be rational. But what exactly does “rational” mean? A lot of well-intentioned people who mean to be rational don’t understand that the term refers to a method more than anything else. In other words, “rational” does not … Continue reading →

Do you want people around you to be motivated by productivity and competence — or primarily by a sense of duty and compassion for you? I definitely vote for the first. I think most people do, at least if the … Continue reading →

Can a leopard change its spots? The question is often asked as a metaphor as to whether people can change. My observations tell me that leopards tend not to change their spots. It’s not because they can’t; it’s because they … Continue reading →

A bully (verbal or physical) by definition has low or no self-esteem. This is because any individual at war with reality, as a bully is, cannot have self-esteem. Self-esteem comes from having a rational relationship with reality. Reason as the … Continue reading →

We create the psychological climate around us. This is not to suggest that we are responsible for anyone else’s actions, thoughts or emotions. However, our own actions, thoughts and emotions tend to bring into our lives certain kinds of people … Continue reading →