People like to feel visible in their relationships. What does “visible” mean? It means walking the talk. It means acting on the premise that you love the person, since you have said that you do. It’s the opposite of that … Continue reading
There are two major problems related to human psychological functioning. One is the realm of ideas; the other is the realm of action. The realm of ideas refers to thoughts, beliefs, attitudes and core premises. Some of these ideas are … Continue reading
Q: While I share your wisdom and identification of ideas as the cause of emotions and actions, I disagree on the subject of medicine/drugs as a tool for correction of negative thoughts or actions. I think anxiety and antidepressants can … Continue reading
People ask: ‘Cognitive therapy is all well and good. I’m fine with finding the nature of errors in my thinking. But what about the underlying causes of my problems?’ The error in this question proves exactly why cognitive therapy is … Continue reading
Dishonesty is widely considered “selfish.” The implication is that lying serves the self-interest of the person who’s deceiving. But does it? The moment somebody lies to a significant other in business or personal life, the obligation is on him to … Continue reading
What is a “perfectionist?” A perfectionist is someone with mistaken thinking. Perfectionism doesn’t refer to a quest for excellence, or a demand (placed on self or others) to get the best job done possible. Perfectionism refers to a neurotic fear, … Continue reading
Many ask: What’s the point of being positive if the world, including even the once great United States, is going to hell in a handbasket? My reply: If you give up in defeatism, there’s nothing left worth saving. If everyone … Continue reading
Q: A lot of my friends and I are nearing retirement or seeking new horizons. When we talk about new careers or jobs, we all come to the same conclusion: “I’m not qualified for the jobs I’m interested in, and … Continue reading
Q: In your article, ‘Feeling Good is Not the Purpose of Life,’ you said that serenity is the preeminent goal of the human experience. Yet previously (in 2005) you had written the following: “Thanks to Ayn Rand, I came to … Continue reading
Stanton Samenow writes in ‘The Myth of the ‘Out of Character’ Crime’: “No matter how grim the situation, no threat by an authority or anyone else can compel someone to change against his will. For meaningful and lasting change to … Continue reading
Q: What should a day be judged by? How would a good day and a bad day differ? Everyday is a new day and when we get to the end of it, as you have suggested in past columns, it’s … Continue reading
Parents make numerous mistakes when raising their children. Examples include: Big Mistake # 1: Motivating the child with dogma rather than reason. In other words, “Do what I say,” rather than: “If you do X, then Y will happen.” For … Continue reading