Dear Dr. Hurd, My husband and I live in a resort/beach area. We moved here for an early retirement, and overall love it. For some reason, he now feels like we have to play ‘bed and breakfast’ to any and … Continue reading
It’s possible to be in a committed relationship, while still remaining independent. Independence means you know who you are, what you wish to do in life, and why. You don’t expect or demand the person you’re in a relationship with … Continue reading
Is it possible to be good at something you don’t love? Yes. Talent and motivation are related. One fuels the other. The more you love something, the more you’ll put effort into that activity for its own sake. The more … Continue reading
Does thinking about your pain make it worse? Whether that pain is emotional, or physical? Thinking about your pain comes under the category of worrying. Another word for worrying is “ruminating.” Thinking about negative events means one of two things. … Continue reading
If you want to better understand the concept of cognitive therapy, tune in to an unlikely source: Chef Robert Irvine’s Food Network series, Restaurant Impossible. Food Network’s website describes the show as follows: ‘Turning around a failing restaurant is a … Continue reading
Dear Dr. Hurd: I enjoy reading your posts. I’m curious about the rational use of alcohol. I find that after a few drinks, many activities are more enjoyable such as mediocre/bad movies, actors whose political views I don’t share, and … Continue reading
The essence of ‘mental health’ is—at root—rationality. The psychological manifestation of rationality is serenity. Serenity does not refer to contact with a faith-based ‘higher power,’ although some will claim it does. Lying to yourself, or telling yourself things are true … Continue reading
Dear Dr. Hurd: Can you offer any advice on how to find a rational therapist in my area? Dr. Hurd’s reply: The complete answer to your question is found in my book, “Bad Therapy, Good Therapy (And How to Tell … Continue reading
I received an email from a website visitor on the subject of bullying. He’s in his thirties, and tells me that schoolyard bullying has had a profound effect on him since his childhood; causing him great distress in many areas … Continue reading
Dear Dr. Hurd: What’s the difference between shame and embarrassment? And does a highly confident person with self-esteem ever experience shame? Dr. Hurd’s reply: Embarrassment is an emotional state of intense discomfort with oneself, experienced upon having a socially unacceptable … Continue reading
It’s a mistake to look for ‘the techniques’ to make you break a bad habit—drinking, overeating, or whatever it is. There’s an error in asking the question, ‘What steps can I take to break my habit?’ The question implies that … Continue reading
One of the things I don’t understand is the reason most often given for not wanting a divorce. Or similarly, the way people look back on their former marriage as a “failure.” In reality, this usually isn’t true. Most often, … Continue reading