Here’s a technique for coping recently described by someone I know: ‘When you’re really upset at someone, imagine what you want to do to them. It might be something completely wrong or irrational to do in reality; but visualizing it … Continue reading
Dear Dr. Hurd, My husband’s father recently passed away from a heart attack. He wasn’t a particularly healthy eater, but he wasn’t obese, either. Suddenly my husband has completely changed his eating habits. Everything is ‘organic’ and supposedly healthy. Frankly, … Continue reading
In a complex world, we often rely on the knowledge of others—auto mechanics, computer technicians, brain surgeons, etc. Does this mean it’s no longer possible to define self-confidence as trust in your own judgment? No. To rely on the expertise … Continue reading
‘I can’t trust people.’ I hear this from a lot of people, and have come to conclude it’s a widespread problem. What makes it possible to trust someone? The most common answer is, ‘Honesty.’ Or integrity. True enough. But a … Continue reading
Dear Dr. Hurd: I’m 53 years old.. I spend most of my time alone. Thirteen years ago, my wife and I broke up, and I simply cannot get over it. I know how silly it sounds, but when I think … Continue reading
I often hear of people who say, ‘I don’t believe in therapy.’ The premise of the statement is that therapy requires uncritical belief. This may be true of other things, but it’s not true of therapy. You can see for … Continue reading
A reader writes in about what a friend of his had to say about emotions and reason: ‘My conversation partner stated, ‘An emotion is independent of reason. While it might come from a value judgment or past experience, it occurs … Continue reading
Dear Dr. Hurd, A few weeks ago my wife returned home from the hospital after a serious surgical procedure. My wife and I are happy that she is making a swift recovery but there is one thing that has got … Continue reading
Dear Dr. Hurd: I’ve been living with my girlfriend for several years. There is not a fight or disagreement between us that she doesn’t tell her friends about. Nothing is private between us, and I’ve actually stopped confiding in her … Continue reading
Dear Dr. Hurd: My boyfriend and I have been living together for 8 years. Overall, we’re happy (or at least I thought we were). A couple of months ago he started seeing a therapist. I have no idea why. Now, … Continue reading
Sometimes people say, “I won’t have any expectations. That way, I won’t be disappointed.” Is this even possible? Actually, this is not a healthy approach. The reason is: You have expectations whether you want to think so, or not. If … Continue reading
Job security. Health security. Social Security. Security, security, security … Conventional wisdom to the contrary, “security” does not mean the absence of conflict, work or pain. Psychologically, security refers to an emotional state of competence, freedom-worship, and confidence that one … Continue reading