…ce. You won’t eat somewhere you hate – that would be a sacrifice, but this compromise is made willingly. Compromises like this do not lead to resentment. You agree to them freely because you love someone. And, more importantly, you enjoy putting a smile on the face of the person you love. A quick little test is to ask yourself, “Is it more important for my partner to do such-and-such than it is for me NOT to?” If so, and assuming you love the pers… Continue reading →

…decision to tell her husband, with no pressure from you. This will be the test to demonstrate her willingness to move on. If one really wants something, one must first have to pay for it. If she can honestly tell you – and herself – that she would have left her husband anyway, with or without you in her life, then there’s no reason not to pursue a relationship with her. Beware of the term “homewrecker.” It’s often used to intimidate and create un… Continue reading →

…be, “I trust my instincts.” Such an approach overlooks two crucial areas: reality and reasoning. Reality always exists, no matter what we think, analyze, and no matter what our “gut” or instincts tell us. Reasoning is similarly inescapable. It’s not that you have to reason. You are free to go by gut, impulse, what others say (or what you think others say), what you believe God tells you, etc., etc. But the inescapable fact is that everything is b… Continue reading →

…even good people cannot always reconcile their differences. They both want valid, reasonable things; but those things contradict one other. In these cases, there really is a conflict of interest. One side or the other will have to sacrifice his or her happiness in order for the relationship to work. This is not a solution for either party! Going one’s separate ways, however hard it might be, could be preferable to this. Be sure this is indeed the… Continue reading →

…you’re clear and consistent in everything you say, think and do. And feel free to examine the words of others in the same way. A lot of this has to do with thinking. People often ask me what a cognitive behavioral psychotherapist does, and I say that he or she invites you to look objectively at what you’re doing, saying and thinking. By subjecting your thoughts and statements to the honesty test, a therapist helps you to help yourself. Another ph… Continue reading →

…ation, power often includes a desire to get reactions from other people. A comedian, for example, elicits reactions through professional techniques that bring joy to people. Your power-hungry condo president, on the other hand, just wants to get a reaction, not really for any constructive purpose. Why? Because it makes him feel alive. Neurotic, unhealthy behavior is fueled in part by a need to shock, anger or irritate others just for the sake of d… Continue reading →

…This beats wasting precious hours doing something you don’t enjoy. When it comes to disagreement, it depends on the degree. For example, perhaps someone you know doesn’t believe in honesty, but you do. She lies whenever she feels like it. This can have very real consequences for your friendship. Why would you want to be friends with a liar? There are also political, religious or philosophical disagreements among friends. The reader asks at what po… Continue reading →