Projection is when you attribute to another person a quality you consider undesirable about yourself. For example, being quick to call Joe a liar when you consider yourself a liar–but won’t admit this fact. Or, being quick to call Mary … Continue reading →

Q: Dr. Hurd, I have few real friends and feel that people usually respond to me in a negative way, no matter how nice or reasonable I try to be. Any thoughts or advice? A: You say people seem to … Continue reading →

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Sometimes, depression is what happens when you go too long without a sense of purpose. It’s like the engine light going on in the car when it hasn’t obtained proper maintenance. This is why depression/anxiety and other psychological problems can, … Continue reading →

If you fail to focus on, engage in and otherwise appreciate THIS moment — because of your thoughts about the next hour, the next day or the next year — then you’re cheating yourself in two respects. You’re diminishing your … Continue reading →

What does the term “cognitive distortions” mean? It refers to the fact that our initial reactions are not always reliable and trustworthy. Don’t be ashamed of those initial reactions. Don’t moralize about them or ‘be ashamed.’ Simply see them for … Continue reading →

Look back, to better understand what to do — and not to do — now. Look ahead, to gauge where to go from here, and why. Think of the past and future, but relate everything to here and now. If … Continue reading →

I love the saying: “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, while still expecting different results.” It’s not error itself that defines insanity. It’s denial. It’s evasion. It’s a willful refusal to introspect and look at one’s … Continue reading →

Nagging comes from anxiety. It’s based on a false belief that repetition will create motivation. It never does. In fact, it lowers respect for the one who nags. Nagging reveals weakness. It’s a way of confessing, “I have failed to … Continue reading →

There is a good mental technique called ‘demystifying.’ The starting premise is: ‘There are no mysteries. There ARE unknowns, but the unknown can become knowable. The method is to break it down and figure out how.’ Demystifying lowers anxiety because … Continue reading →

In marital relationship problems, the most overlooked area of communication is listening. Most people assume listening is for the sake of the other partner. “Yeah, yeah, I should listen–for his [or her] sake.” That’s not it! Although your partner may … Continue reading →