If someone important to you—a spouse, for example—becomes defensive or hostile, then she’s probably starting to lose touch with the facts. You will do your relationship, the person with whom you’re in temporary conflict, and even yourself no service by … Continue reading
Facts are nothing to fear.
People seeking help, even people with emotional problems, usually understand the issues at stake better than a lot of mental health professionals. They understand that what they need are ideas, suggestions, perspective and solutions. They don’t need a relationship with … Continue reading
Wishing is planning with no intention of ever acting. Thinking is conceptualizing and visualizing with the full intention of action. Reason puts the thoughts into place so that action can begin.
An alternative to “I can’t”: “I am able to succeed at living. This is because I have a mind that can know reality and be right. My mind is intelligent enough to set a long range goal. My mind is … Continue reading
One of the most common causes of depression or any other kind of emotional malaise is feeling trapped. In reality: You’re rarely trapped. The more you think you are, the more depressed you will feel. But feelings are not facts. … Continue reading
Q: Dr. Hurd: What fundamentally motivates people who continue to act in a disagreeable way even after you confront them about it? For example, my coworker intermittently makes indirect suggestions that I am gay. I am not, and I eventually … Continue reading
Remember that being someone’s friend doesn’t mean always agreeing with them. And sometimes disagreeing with them means that sometimes, while you’re respectful of their making their own choices, you’re not going to enable or participate in those choices. If a … Continue reading
Avoiding conflict is never a rational motive, and never leads to a “safe” choice. People lie to avoid conflict. In the process, they do damage to themselves and eventually to others they intended to protect, when the lie is exposed. … Continue reading
Persistence is what you exhibit when you know you’re right, why you’re right, and why you have no choice but to stand firm. Stubbornness is when you feel right, you’re not sure why, but you’re sure not going to let … Continue reading
The next time you feel uncertain, don’t leap to: “Who can tell me what to do?” Instead, ask yourself, “What do I already know?” Then: “What remains unknown?” Next, focus on how to best answer the questions you don’t know–for … Continue reading
Those with confidence and certainty, think and act. Those lacking confidence and certainty, denounce and manipulate. Confidence comes from the habitual use of one’s mind in a rational, sensible way. Angry, humorless moralism comes from a mind in the habit … Continue reading