How you think about something does not change reality. But it does change the way you interact with, and act in, reality. This will often lead to real-life consequences. For example, you hear about “the self-fulfilling prophecy.” This is not … Continue reading
Self-discipline, self-esteem, and mental health all require a basic love of life. You either love life, or you don’t. If you do, you will take life seriously–and you will exhibit characteristics of self-discipline and good mental habits. If you don’t … Continue reading
It used to be that parental influences were thought to be all determining in an individual’s personality. Freud, and his successors, focused on such factors as the mother-child relationship and alleged infantile sexuality as the determining factor in human nature. … Continue reading
If someone important to you—a spouse, for example—becomes defensive or hostile, then she’s probably starting to lose touch with the facts. You will do your relationship, the person with whom you’re in temporary conflict, and even yourself no service by … Continue reading
Facts are nothing to fear.
People seeking help, even people with emotional problems, usually understand the issues at stake better than a lot of mental health professionals. They understand that what they need are ideas, suggestions, perspective and solutions. They don’t need a relationship with … Continue reading
Wishing is planning with no intention of ever acting. Thinking is conceptualizing and visualizing with the full intention of action. Reason puts the thoughts into place so that action can begin.
An alternative to “I can’t”: “I am able to succeed at living. This is because I have a mind that can know reality and be right. My mind is intelligent enough to set a long range goal. My mind is … Continue reading
One of the most common causes of depression or any other kind of emotional malaise is feeling trapped. In reality: You’re rarely trapped. The more you think you are, the more depressed you will feel. But feelings are not facts. … Continue reading
Q: Dr. Hurd: What fundamentally motivates people who continue to act in a disagreeable way even after you confront them about it? For example, my coworker intermittently makes indirect suggestions that I am gay. I am not, and I eventually … Continue reading
Remember that being someone’s friend doesn’t mean always agreeing with them. And sometimes disagreeing with them means that sometimes, while you’re respectful of their making their own choices, you’re not going to enable or participate in those choices. If a … Continue reading
Avoiding conflict is never a rational motive, and never leads to a “safe” choice. People lie to avoid conflict. In the process, they do damage to themselves and eventually to others they intended to protect, when the lie is exposed. … Continue reading