…”Experience’ is what you get when you didn’t get what you wanted.’) Coping.com identifies another aspect of perfectionism as ‘The belief that no matter what you attempt, it is never ‘good enough’ to meet your own or others’ expectations.’ A lot of people struggle with this, and it’s an unhealthy way to think. In my experience, perfectionists are afraid to ever consider anything ‘good enough.’ They feel that patting themselves on the back for a job… Continue reading →

…re devaluing the speaker’s point by offensively cutting in before they can complete their thought. The temptation to interrupt is greatest during disagreement. One of the hardest—yet most adult—things to do is to stop and think, ‘I’m going to let her finish. I’m going to listen to what she has to say, even if it’s familiar. If I don’t agree, I will still let her finish. Then I’ll respond.’ There’s an added value to this, too: When you choose to li… Continue reading →

…portant to you, then why do you never ask how I’m doing?’ A contributor to www.howtogetridofstuff.com writes under the subject, ‘How to Get Rid of Friends:’ ‘Chances are, if your friends are not treating you right, you are probably doing something to encourage and reward that treatment. Identify your enabling behavior and stop it.’ Amen! Before ditching a friend, consider what YOU may be doing to encourage the behavior you don’t like. For example,… Continue reading →

…minimally appropriate. Obviously there was more going on here than just a complaint over raised voices. We hear all the time about incidents of road-rage that escalate into violence, or verbal and physical attacks from strangers over things that seem so insignificant. Why are some people on a hair-trigger to yell, abuse and even do physical harm? What is going on in their minds that makes them so angry that the slightest thing sets them off? Well… Continue reading →

…ically produce the highest death rate per mile (USATODAY Health Spotlight: www.usatoday.com). Here at the beach, I observe more red lights ignored, more tailgating, more aggressive lane changes and more speeding than I ever see in large metropolitan areas. I even witnessed, with my own eyes, a driver waving a pistol at the occupants of a car next to him at a light near Rehoboth Beach. Do these people drive and behave like that at home? Maybe so, m… Continue reading →

…volves our kids, our personal space or our workplace, we usually feel most comfortable and competent when things are ‘in order.’ The need for tidiness and organization is actually a need for control. This is not necessarily a bad thing. Those of you who read this column regularly know that I equate control with confidence and self-responsibility. Without it, the critical path leading to our goals and our happiness can be laden with wrong turns and… Continue reading →

…ically produce the highest death rate per mile (USATODAY Health Spotlight: www.usatoday.com). Here at the beach, I observe more red lights ignored, more tailgating, more aggressive lane changes and more speeding than I ever see in large metropolitan areas. I even witnessed, with my own eyes, a driver waving a pistol at the occupants of a car next to him at a light near Rehoboth Beach. Do these people drive and behave like that at home? Maybe so, m… Continue reading →

…ically produce the highest death rate per mile (USATODAY Health Spotlight: www.usatoday.com). Here at the beach, I observe more red lights ignored, more tailgating, more aggressive lane changes and more speeding than I ever see in large metropolitan areas. I even witnessed, with my own eyes, a driver waving a pistol at the occupants of a car next to him at a light here on Rt. 1. Do these people drive and behave like that at home? Maybe so, maybe n… Continue reading →

…for you to establish if this is someone with whom you can speak openly and comfortably. 10. Look for someone who wants to understand your strengths, and who wants you to know your strong points and potential. I heard recently about a therapist who gave the client the impression of being on the witness stand and being interrogated to find out what was wrong with her. No thought or comment made by the patient was trusted. Behind the therapist’s ever… Continue reading →

…“Bad Therapy, Good Therapy (And How to Tell the Difference),” available at www.DrHurd.com. Emotions can be slow and difficult to change, especially when they stem from previously absorbed irrational or false beliefs. In my view, my friend’s childhood years did not “form” him as such. He is not “damaged goods.” And hopefully, if he becomes a therapist, he won’t encourage his future clients in to view themselves in that way. Whenever someone asks, “… Continue reading →

…leave the house, much less drive, shop or interact socially. The Obsessive Compulsive Foundation (www.ocfoundation.org) defines OCD as a neurobiological (physical) problem, as opposed to a psychological (mental) one. But they also acknowledge that no genetic or other link to physiology has yet been established. Whatever the cause, all obsessions involve out-of-control thoughts or impulses to do certain things over and over again. Compulsions are t… Continue reading →

…r worried?); 3. arriving late or unprepared for an exam (am I lacking confidence, or feeling unprepared for an upcoming event?); 4. being chased or attacked (is there a fearful aspect of my personality?); 5. encountering a helpless baby or small animal (have I been attentive enough to myself?); 6. drowning or experiencing huge waves (am I denying or feeling overwhelmed by my emotions?); 7. being injured or dismembered (is there a part of my life I… Continue reading →