There’s been a lot of talk lately about loyalty. Some use the term correctly, and others simply use it as a tool to get what they want. I equate loyalty with integrity, i.e., consistency among your ideas, your principles and … Continue reading →

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Love is not sacrifice. When you love someone, you want them to be happy. When someone loves you, you want them to do something for you because they want to, not … Continue reading →

One of my faithful readers here at the Delaware Wave writes that he and his wife recently retired here at the beach. But in spite of that, he’s not happy. It doesn’t have to do with anything specific; things are … Continue reading →

Contrary to what the drug companies would have you think, anxiety can sometimes be useful and necessary. Like, for example, when that anxiety triggers a call to sensible action. Let’s say you feel anxious at the sight of an oncoming … Continue reading →

Fifty-four years ago when Grateful Dead guitarist Jerry Garcia wrote those words, he probably couldn’t have imagined they’d end up (slightly modified) as the title of a self-help column. In Delaware’s Sussex County, yet! Well, for those of you who … Continue reading →

One of the biggest problems in relationships is the assumption that there’s a conflict of interest – when in fact, the partners have unnecessarily adopted an adversarial mindset. When I work with couples, I find myself saying over and over … Continue reading →

We often hear the saying, “He pushes my buttons.” Or, “She knows how to manipulate me.” But what do these complaints really mean? Steven Stosny, Ph.D. at psychologytoday.com states that “Emotions move us.” Indeed, the Latin root of the word … Continue reading →

I often warn my clients about believing arbitrary assertions. Sometimes it can be convenient to do so, but acting on something for which there are no facts to back it up can be psychologically unhealthy. Here’s an example excerpted from … Continue reading →

Many people are under the impression that they can avoid trouble in their relationships by not arguing. They mistakenly assume that the absence of fighting – or any disagreement – is an indication that the relationship is healthy. But that … Continue reading →

A popular misconception about psychotherapy is that it’s all about one’s past. This probably stems from the clichéd image of the bearded Freudian psychoanalyst quietly dozing in his leather chair, further bolstered by the circus parade of insipid “self-help” authors … Continue reading →

We’ve all seen people react badly or rudely when they’re told something they’d rather not hear. And it’s just as bad when you don’t say what they want to hear. The perfect example is an email I received from a … Continue reading →

It’s interesting the reactions I get when I suggest to clients that one of our goals in therapy will be to help them think, i.e., to trust their senses, and integrate reality into abstract conclusions. Rational thought is necessary to … Continue reading →