…naturally requires, then it’s another story. As he states on his website (www.cesarmillaninc.com), ‘Dogs are animals, and they respond to calm, assertive leadership—not emotional arguments or negotiations.’ Wow! How many parents of young kids would do well to remember that advice? Unlike dogs, we expect children to develop beyond the programming of childhood and advance to the conceptual sophistication and independence of adulthood. Though human… Continue reading →

…ne perfectionism as a series of false beliefs, which include (according to www.coping.com), ‘Striving to be the best, to reach the ideal and to never make a mistake.’ I have a problem with the negative implication here. There’s nothing unhealthy about striving to be the best. People accomplish great things and feel proud of it. That’s good for self-esteem. But the negative implication is that NOT trying is actually a good thing. Sounds like a conv… Continue reading →

…re devaluing the speaker’s point by offensively cutting in before they can complete their thought. The temptation to interrupt is greatest during disagreement. One of the hardest—yet most adult—things to do is to stop and think, ‘I’m going to let her finish. I’m going to listen to what she has to say, even if it’s familiar. If I don’t agree, I will still let her finish. Then I’ll respond.’ There’s an added value to this, too: When you choose to li… Continue reading →

…portant to you, then why do you never ask how I’m doing?’ A contributor to www.howtogetridofstuff.com writes under the subject, ‘How to Get Rid of Friends:’ ‘Chances are, if your friends are not treating you right, you are probably doing something to encourage and reward that treatment. Identify your enabling behavior and stop it.’ Amen! Before ditching a friend, consider what YOU may be doing to encourage the behavior you don’t like. For example,… Continue reading →

…st!) Behavioral sciences writer Bruce Bower states in Science News Online (www.sciencenews.org) that ”Intermittent Explosive Disorder’ features tirades, grossly disproportionate to the triggering circumstances, during which a person destroys property, tries to hurt or actually hurts someone, or threatens to do so. The expression of rage elicits a sense of relief, followed by remorse for the incident.’ Well, OK—pretty obvious, in spite of the high-… Continue reading →

…e the highest death rate per mile (USATODAY Health Spotlight: www.usatoday.com). Here at the beach, I observe more red lights ignored, more tailgating, more aggressive lane changes and more speeding than I ever see in large metropolitan areas. I even witnessed, with my own eyes, a driver waving a pistol at the occupants of a car next to him at a light near Rehoboth Beach. Do these people drive and behave like that at home? Maybe so, maybe not—but… Continue reading →

…volves our kids, our personal space or our workplace, we usually feel most comfortable and competent when things are ‘in order.’ The need for tidiness and organization is actually a need for control. This is not necessarily a bad thing. Those of you who read this column regularly know that I equate control with confidence and self-responsibility. Without it, the critical path leading to our goals and our happiness can be laden with wrong turns and… Continue reading →

…e the highest death rate per mile (USATODAY Health Spotlight: www.usatoday.com). Here at the beach, I observe more red lights ignored, more tailgating, more aggressive lane changes and more speeding than I ever see in large metropolitan areas. I even witnessed, with my own eyes, a driver waving a pistol at the occupants of a car next to him at a light near Rehoboth Beach. Do these people drive and behave like that at home? Maybe so, maybe not—but… Continue reading →

…ically produce the highest death rate per mile (USATODAY Health Spotlight: www.usatoday.com). Here at the beach, I observe more red lights ignored, more tailgating, more aggressive lane changes and more speeding than I ever see in large metropolitan areas. I even witnessed, with my own eyes, a driver waving a pistol at the occupants of a car next to him at a light here on Rt. 1. Do these people drive and behave like that at home? Maybe so, maybe n… Continue reading →

…for you to establish if this is someone with whom you can speak openly and comfortably. 10. Look for someone who wants to understand your strengths, and who wants you to know your strong points and potential. I heard recently about a therapist who gave the client the impression of being on the witness stand and being interrogated to find out what was wrong with her. No thought or comment made by the patient was trusted. Behind the therapist’s ever… Continue reading →

…“Bad Therapy, Good Therapy (And How to Tell the Difference),” available at www.DrHurd.com. Emotions can be slow and difficult to change, especially when they stem from previously absorbed irrational or false beliefs. In my view, my friend’s childhood years did not “form” him as such. He is not “damaged goods.” And hopefully, if he becomes a therapist, he won’t encourage his future clients in to view themselves in that way. Whenever someone asks, “… Continue reading →