…her. Why? Because by stopping altogether, he no longer had to focus on the regret, or having anything to feel regret about. It’s almost as if wishing away a problem will make it go away. Of course this isn’t so, but when people err, this is the kind of reasoning they’re subconsciously adopting. Anticipatory regret also might fuel a rationalization to stay in or otherwise resume a bad habit. For example, “Well, I’m not exercising every day like I s… Continue reading →

…s the impossibility of error — is irrational. That’s why it’s pointless to regret. Probably more often, people regret something that made sense at the time, and was even valuable at the time — but from their present vantage point, they would not do. A big example of this is a marriage or a relationship. “I wish I hadn’t been in that marriage.” OK, what was bad about the marriage? “Well, it wasn’t bad at the time. We were very much in love and had… Continue reading →

…are that obsessive. It’s undoubtedly true that a lot of people experience regret. That was the whole point of my article — that regret doesn’t generally make any sense. Learning from the past is one thing, but there’s always a present in which to make corrections. And projecting your current needs and wants onto the past makes no sense at all. Sometimes people like to hold onto their regrets. It’s a variation of holding onto the past. Many people… Continue reading →

…made a mistake? If so, then it’s an error that you’ve since corrected. To regret making an error is like expecting yourself to be infallible. People sometimes regret things that made perfect sense at the time. A good example involves relationships. “I wish I hadn’t been in that relationship.” I then ask, “OK, what was bad about it?” “Well, it wasn’t bad at the time. We were in love and had good times. But it didn’t last.” What’s the point of regr… Continue reading →