“Happy Wife, Happy Life” is a BIG Mistake

The meme is true.

“Happy wife, happy life” is a recipe for self-sacrifice. “I have to give up myself in order to love someone else.” Wrong.

First of all, anyone who really loves you would NOT want you to sacrifice. Someone who really loves you, and someone who’s rational and sane, will resent you for giving up what’s important to you for his or her sake. That’s right; you read it correctly! I said a SANE person. An abuser, a narcissist or a sociopath will want you to give up for his or her sake, because such people find it a turn-on to make others miserable. If you’re with someone like that, run for your life.

Think about from your own point-of-view. Presumably, you’re fairly rational and sane. Do YOU want someone who loves you to PRETEND he’s doing things he enjoys, but is really doing it just for your sake? Wouldn’t you be hurt, offended or even feel betrayed if you found out it was all a lie?

People debate the meaning of love. Whatever “love” means, it cannot mean pretense. It cannot mean deceit.

Don’t confuse the word “sacrifice” with cost. Everything has a cost. Everything has a consequence. If you marry and live with someone, you give up the independence of being always in charge. If giving up this absolute independence is a sacrifice for you, then you shouldn’t do it. If you want to have your cake and eat it too, then you’re not being reasonable or healthy. You’re just expecting the impossible. Of course there are costs in a marriage. But that’s not what “happy wife, happy life” demands of you. Sacrificing for your spouse means giving up who you are for a person who mistakenly believes you want to be someone other than you are.

If this seems confusing or disturbing to you, then it might be best to forego a marriage or relationship until you understand better.