Above all, don’t lie to yourself. The man who lies to himself and listens to his own lie comes to a point that he cannot distinguish the truth within him, or around him, and so loses all respect for himself and for others. And having no respect he ceases to love.”
— Dostoyevsky
Honesty is not a selfless trait. It’s not a sentimental gesture befitting a Boy Scout.
Honesty means adherence to reality. When you’re honest, you’re sane.
You don’t necessarily owe everyone the truth. You don’t owe someone the truth just because they say so. You never owe the truth to someone with a gun pointed at your head. Nor to a gossip, nor to anyone else without proper respect or boundaries.
But you have an allegiance to yourself, to your own survival, and to the well-being of anyone you love to know what’s true, as best you can. That’s how honesty is connected to love. If you are unable or unwilling to be honest with yourself — to let yourself KNOW facts, know reality — then your love and allegiance to another will not be worth very much.
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