I have noticed that with very emotionally sick and sad people, you cannot treat them well. You cannot compliment them, you cannot build them up or support them — even when it’s earned. It doesn’t mean you should treat them badly, but they will not respond to being treated well, not in the long-run.
The reason is that their self-regard and self-worth are SO low that they will retaliate against your good will, your compliments, your benevolence or whatever positive treatment you give them.
These are the saddest and often the most hopeless sorts of people. They are so programmed (for whatever reasons) to see themselves as so low, and so rotten — at least subconsciously, this is how they feel — that they cannot tolerate good treatment and will actually punish you for good treatment, at some point. At a minimum, they will back away.
It’s bewildering and off-putting once it happens, and it’s possible no amount of intellectual understanding will ever fully prepare you for the impact, but the truth remains: It’s best to be done with them. Such persons are often chameleons and good actors, so they will fool even the most perceptive, for a time.
You can’t help them, because they don’t wish to be helped, and won’t challenge the deeper core beliefs that require challenging in order to move out of their miserable status quo.
Move on, and don’t be part of their space. If you don’t want to cut ties totally, since sometimes these individuals are your own children or very long-time friends, then work on accepting that this is how some people are, and in a sense wish to be. Do NOT fixate on why. This will solve nothing. It’s all in the programing. Sure, it’s partly childhood, school and society. But most of it is the programming from the ideas, attitudes and beliefs the person has chosen to accept.
Find the people who want to grow, enjoy, evolve and who don’t question they deserve any success, happiness or serenity they can manage to achieve.
Follow Dr. Hurd on Facebook. Search under “Michael Hurd” (Rehoboth Beach DE). Get up-to-the-minute postings, recommended articles and links, and engage in back-and-forth discussion with Dr. Hurd on topics of interest. Also follow Dr. Hurd on Twitter at @MichaelJHurd1, and see drmichaelhurd on Instagram.