The Interview Barack Will Never Have to Give

Q: How can the budget deficit in the trillions sustain itself?

Obama’s reply: It’s Bush’s fault. It’s Congress’ fault.

Q: Which Congress? The Pelosi Congress of 2009-10 who passed the trillion-dollar stimulus bill with your promotion and signature? Or the current Congress, a majority

of whom did not vote for that bill?

Obama’s reply: Just Congress, that’s all. And Bush.

Q: The stimulus bill was supposed to bring unemployment to below 8 percent, almost immediately. You and Biden guaranteed this. Two years later, unemployment is near 10 percent and climbing. What happened?

Obama’s reply: It’s Bush’s fault. We inherited the worst economy since the Great Depression.

Q: Bush started the policies you continued. He regulated the financial and real estate industries, back in 2002 and later after the 2007 crash. You have done the same. He spent unprecedented amounts on non-defense spending, more than any Republican President and even more than Bill Clinton. You expanded spending even more. In both cases, the deficit and national debt went higher and higher. And the economy did not grow. What gives?

Obama’s reply: Well of course it didn’t grow. Bush messed it up so badly, what are we to do?

Q: But you and Bush had the same policies. Things got very bad under Bush; now they’re even worse under yourself. Don’t we need a reversal of both your and Bush’s policies?

Obama’s reply: Of course not. Bush subscribed to the failed policy of selfishness. It started under Reagan, and Clinton did not do enough to reverse it. My policy is based on the common good.

Q: Then why is neither the common man nor the rich man better off?

Obama’s reply: Bush’s fault, as I said.

Q: What about the national debt? If the U.S. defaults on this impossibly rising debt, what happens to our currency? What happens to our whole economy as we know it? And if the government inflates the currency, what happens if a man’s $1,000 bank account becomes worthless; and a million dollar bank account becomes worth about $100? How is this sustainable?

Obama’s reply: That’s the fault of the Republican Congress. They won’t raise the debt limit.

Q: But isn’t that the same as arbitrarily raising the limit on a credit card — into an impossible infinity?

Obama’s reply: The responsible thing is to raise the debt limit. The Democrats are responsible and will do so; the Republicans won’t. It’s their fault. And Bush’s fault, for getting us into this mess.

Q: So we raise the debt limit? What then?

Obama’s reply: We honor our commitments to our senior citizens, to our working members of society, to our children, to our sick, our tired, our poor, our ….

Q: But the government is out of money. The private sector is not expanding. More young people graduate and come on the job market every year. There are fewer jobs for them. The economy is almost stagnating, and more and more people will be unemployed. How sustainable is this?

Obama’s reply: It’s Bush’s fault. But let’s extend unemployment benefits, expand health care to everyone, and all will be fine.

Q: Will the tax increases you impose fuel the economy?

Obama’s reply: They’re not tax increases. They’re simply a reversal of Bush’s tax cuts, which harmed the economy. Bush created this mess.

Q: Then why didn’t you push the lame duck Democratic Congress to raise taxes at the end of 2010? If tax increases — or if repeals of tax cuts — are good for the economy, then why didn’t you do them while you still had the chance?

Obama’s reply: The new Congress wouldn’t let me. These Tea Party people are like Bush. They insist that privatizing everything is the answer. We must have government helping the economy.

Q: But why not be a leader, and do what you’re sure is right, if you’re so sure?

Obama’s reply: Bush ruined the spirit of cooperation in Washington. It will take years to reverse that course. And the Tea Party is just as bad as Bush; even worse.

Q: You’ve been President for almost three-quarters of your term now. In the first two years one-hundred percent of your top policy proposals (on the economy) passed. They’ve been in effect for two years. The economy has not improved; it has, in fact, worsened. Don’t your policies have at least some share of the blame?

Obama’s reply: No. Things would be much worse if it weren’t for my policies. Bush drove us into a near-Depression. It’s Bush’s fault.

Q: The unemployment rate going from 8 percent to 10 percent in your term — that’s Bush’s fault?

Obama’s reply: Ultimately, yes.

Q: Gas prices are higher than before. When you ran for President, you said those were Bush’s fault. Does that mean the even higher gas prices today are your fault?

Obama’s reply: No. They’re still Bush’s fault. He’s the oil man — not me. I care about the little guy; Bush cared about oil profits.

Q: Food inflation has returned. All indications are that more inflation is on the way. The Federal Reserve doesn’t want to tighten the money supply, because their political views are the same as yours: More government spending. Is none of this the result of your choice?

Obama’s reply: No. I wouldn’t be in this mess if it weren’t for Bush. Or the Tea Party.

Q: It’s all someone else’s fault?

Obama’s reply: You bet. (Turning to an aide) Get Oprah on the phone. And get me some tissues. I’m the victim of Bush abuse. And I need help now.