As the late George Carlin used to say, “It’s all B.S. — and it’s all bad for you.” Such is the state of American culture at this point in time. Readers continue to send in great examples of toxic euphemisms that illustrate just how sick our intellectuals and “leaders” have become. Here are some from what passes as the field of education:
What they say: “… create a climate where students are ‘actively engaged’ in meaningful learning experiences.”
What it means: Pet and coax students to complete assignments. (And misuse scare quotes often as a means of emphasis.)
What they say: “… produce learning experiences suited to the grade level and to the student developmental level that will enhance student achievement.”
What it means: Make sure everyone passes.
What they say: “Identify, select, and modify instructional resources to meet the need of students with varying backgrounds, learning styles, and special needs.”
What it means: Keep assignments easy, making allowances for students’ lack of knowledge.
What they say: “Approach situations with a student-centered attitude and flexibility that promotes student success.”
What it means: Dumb down the curriculum to ensure that “learning experiences [are] suited to the grade level and to the student developmental level [to] enhance student achievement.”
What they say: “Proactively reach out to students, don’t wait for problems to approach them.”
What it means: Write sentences with dangling modifiers so their meanings are obfuscated. In this case, be sure that problems don’t get near the students. (Those darn problems can be dangerous stalkers.)
What they say: “The full time instructor will be evaluated based on [his] ability to accurately and effectively resolve behind pace and schedule issues.”
What it means: Make sure to shovel out the exercises on schedule, whether the students grasp the material or not. However, if you create “a climate where students are ‘actively engaged’ in meaningful learning experiences” that “produce learning experiences suited to the grade level and to the student developmental level that will enhance student achievement” and “meet the need of students with varying backgrounds, learning styles, and special needs,” you won’t face that problem.
(And be sure to avoid using masculine personal pronouns least you be revealed as a male sexist pig. Of course, the student will follow your lead, meaning that s/he will misuse the plural pronoun in their (oops) compositions.)