YOU Create Who You Are

Diagnostic labels such as “depression” and “narcissistic personality disorder” and all the rest are of limited value. In some cases, they actually do harm because they imply no personal responsibility on the part of the person with the problem for fixing the problem. It’s much better to look at problems in terms of thinking and actions. Thinking and actions are things a person can change. Call it blaming if you want, but I call it empowering — and accurate. You are the person you create. You create who you are through your ideas and actions. If you have few or no ideas about anything, then that’s the first problem. You have to become a deeper person — and you can. A deeper person is someone who reflects on himself, his life and the world around him on a regular basis and about events in daily life. “Which of my actions make sense — and which do not? What in my thinking advances my life — and what sets me back?” This is how you get to the core of self-change. You don’t get to the core of self-change by meaningless bromides such as “I’m depressed,” or “I have ADHD” or “I’m afflicted with Borderline Personality Disorder.” These labels serve many different kinds of purposes for different kinds of people, but they don’t do anything to help you better cope with living other than to raise the question, “So now what?”