Outlaws in Spirit

Dear Dr. Hurd,

I loved your column a few months ago describing resort dwellers as “outlaws.” I agree with everything you said, and I do consider myself self-sufficient and capable of “being alone without being lonely.” But I have to admit I do sometimes miss my favorite big-city restaurants and cultural activities. I don’t feel “lonely” as such, but I occasionally find myself yearning for a more upbeat way of life —especially in the winter. What do you think I should do? And don’t suggest I move away. I really do love it here!

Dear Reader,

You are not alone. I speak to people very often who say the same thing. The change of seasons here at the beach can be a little unsettling. It’s perfectly natural to want occasional contact with something different. You say that the positive aspects of living here outweigh your desires for some, shall we say, “urban interaction,” but you have to remember we are not totally isolated. Within just a few hours of our little beach resort lie some of the biggest and busiest cities in the world. You’re only a couple of hours from major international airports that can take you anywhere you desire. If you shift your mindset slightly to think of this area as “centrally located”, it can open up a world of opportunity.

Metropolitan areas will always take second place to my beloved walks on the beach and the coastal panorama from the top of the Indian River Inlet Bridge. And when I do feel the need for skyscrapers, a Manhattan deli “fix,” or the neon-charged excitement of Las Vegas, I think of the beach as a “base of operations”. And afterwards? I get to return to my own quiet resort.

You mention that you like the notion of being an “outlaw.” I used the term in the positive sense, meaning to think “outside the box.” Instead of feeling that you have to make the choice, you can go with the home base idea. When you’re here, and it’s winter, try not to let yourself feel stuck. Visualize yourself going somewhere that’s interesting. And then visualize yourself returning to a place you obviously love and don’t want to give up. Actualize the visualization by making actual plans. You can enjoy the best of both worlds: First in your mind, and then in reality.

Sometimes we make decisions in life that we end up resenting. We end up resenting them not because we think they’re the wrong decision, but because we recognize some of the “down sides” of the decision. This is where many people get stuck. They wish they didn’t have to contend with the down side of their decision, and they don’t know how to cope other than to “deal with it.” They forget what motivated them to make the decision in the first place. They end up feeling they made the wrong decision instead of recognizing that the decision simply needs some fine-tuning.

Many people find it helpful to break up the winter by treating themselves to a few southerly days or weeks in January or February. Breaking up the summer (if you can get away) by going north, especially to a less traveled place, also makes for a great distraction. In general, I’ve found that people who do these things regularly tend to be happier with their life here. It’s not that you have to do one certain thing, or go in a particular direction; it’s simply that you have to remember that you always have choices, and that you can act on them. Not acting on your choices, as simple or extravagant as they may be, could result in your feeling down, depressed or trapped.

Life isn’t about where you live, so much as it is about just living. You love it here, but you want to experience other things too. In the immortal words of the tennis shoe people, “Just Do It”!