The recent election season drama might be in the past, but there’s still no lack of opinions and observations to be had. Many of them fall into the category of, “She never lets a fact get in the way of his opinion.” People often say, with contempt, “He’s opinionated,” as if the expression of ideas, all by itself, is automatically bad. So does this mean that one shouldn’t have opinions; that nobody should dare to think, lest they form a judgment or a viewpoint?
Opinions, by their nature, are not bad. The issue is whether they are grounded in fact and reason, and whether they can be proven. If your opinion is based firmly in reality, then you should express it. If not, then your method of thinking is flawed. In a world without reason, opinions are based purely on emotion and are pointless. So let the facts stand in the way of your opinions – unless the facts support them!
Opinions, when truthfully offered, can be helpful. “What do you think of my dress?” Or, “How do I look in this shirt?” It’s a lot better to get the truth from someone than a lie. If someone you trust enough to ask a question like that does lie to you in a misguided attempt to “spare your feelings,” then you can’t trust that person to level with you. A lot of good “sparing your feelings” did.
A world with no opinions would be drab and one-dimensional. The Declaration of Independence was one gigantic list of opinions that resulted in some important freedoms we enjoy today. Many of us associate opinions only with mindless people (especially when we disagree with them), but opinions based on reason and fact can change the world.
Another image of an “opinionated” person is one who talks and talks about nothing in particular. This is what some psychotherapists call “free association” or “stream of consciousness” — saying literally everything that pops into your head. This is sometimes a valuable therapeutic technique for getting in touch with one’s feelings and “de-repressing.” But, let’s face it, it’s not what most of us want to hear at the dinner table or behind us in a movie theater. Although I’m not trying to encourage sarcasm among loved ones, I like the idea of ranking the relevance (and certitude) of what one says before one says it. In the words of an old friend, “Make sure your brain is in gear before you engage your mouth.” If you, or someone close to you, suffers from over-expression of opinions (now THERE’S a polite way to say it!), you might consider suggesting this “certainty ranking” technique.
I recognize this method is not for everyone. Some people are so socially anxious and afraid to say what they really think that they need special techniques applied in a professional therapeutic setting. Not everyone is going to agree on everything, and sometimes it makes sense to “agree to disagree.” But if you can’t stand leaving it at that, there are some short-but-sweet approaches you might consider. In response to a tirade about some subject with which you don’t agree, you might say, “I don’t see it that way.” This shifts the burden onto the opinion-holder to ask intelligent questions about why you see things differently. If he actually does that, who knows – somebody’s mind might get changed. More likely, though, that will just be the end of it. But that’s OK too. There’s much to disagree about in life, and unless something really important is at stake, it makes sense to pick your battles. Most of the things people fume about just aren’t worth it anyway.
And don’t forget silence. It has a lot of power as a way to motivate people to listen once you do speak. The less you say, the more you’ll be heard. And while you’re sitting silently, check your facts and reasoning, and then edit out any opinions that might stand in the way.
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