The addictive experience, according to drug and alcohol addiction expert Stanton Peele (see www.peele.net), is characterized as follows:
1. Powerful and all-encompassing;
2. Inspires a sense of well-being, such as through conveying an artificial sense of power or control;
3. Valued for its perceived predictability and thus its safety;
4. Creating negative consequences that diminish the addict’s concern for and ability to relate to the rest of life.
What is the alternative to the addictive experience and lifestyle?
1. Long-range goals to determine one’s short-range actions and the overall purpose of one’s life: to be a dancer, a novelist, an athlete, a musician, a business owner, a scientist, a professional, technician or craftsman; to raise one’s children properly; to advance whatever you consider to be your life’s most important goals;
2. Sub-goals to serve as intermediary steps to the overall purpose: college, graduate school, stage experience, writing short-stories and articles, developing a client base, buying a house, etc.;
3. Confidence that one’s mind is capable of accessing reality, that there is no inherent “mystery” to accomplishing goals—instead, simply years of hard work and relentless focus; continuous and never-ending additions to one’s base of knowledge and experience; passion for achievements, great and small;
4. Sense of legitimate power over one’s own life and over existence, the kind of power one feels from continuously working on a goal and achieving crucial victories along the way: a business expansion, a creative or artistic achievement, a research discovery, buying one’s dream house, sending one’s child to college, and so on.
Drugs, alcohol, or any form of addiction represent an impossible attempt at a short-cut. A short-cut to what? To feelings of power over existence that can, in reality, only be achieved through ongoing productive effort with the help of a long range purpose.
In occasional, fleeting moments, the addict may feel like the writer, the scientist, the businessperson, or the artist who actually triumphed after years of struggle and effort. But once those moments (those “highs”) subside, he must recognize that reality offers no such short-cuts and his effort to achieve values artificially is doomed to failure. This “hangover” effect leads to feelings of depression and malevolence, which in turn make it harder to actually set goals and achieve them. (Or, if the abuser is already setting goals, it becomes harder to achieve the higher goals of which he would otherwise be capable).
When, after months or years, the addiction reaches its climax, and the addict faces the enormity of this reality and can no longer evade it, he will either collapse in despair or begin his recovery from the addiction.
It is at this dramatic turning point that, psychologically and perhaps even literally, he survives or perishes.
The addictive process, as just described, applies not only to drug and alcohol abuse. It also applies, more broadly, to other types of addictions: spending, sexual, gambling, and so forth.
Typically, the addict holds (consciously or subconsciously) one or more of the following mistaken core ideas. He holds these ideas emotionally, not intellectually. His intellect would probably dispute them. But on a subconscious level, he feels them nevertheless.
1. Happiness should happen to me. It’s not fair that it’s happening to others and not to me. Happiness is a blessing, not an achievement.
Rational Antidote: Happiness is always an individual achievement. It is the sum total of countless hours of working towards both long-range goals and smaller sub-goals. It requires continuous effort to be maintained. It is not a state, once attained, which remains in a frozen form, with no further effort required.
2. I am not meant to be happy. It’s possible for others, but not for me.
Antidote: The only entity who can “mean” for you to be happy or unhappy is yourself.
3. I can shape reality by my wishes.
Antidote: Nature, to be commanded, must first be obeyed. Existence exists, and no one person’s consciousness can change this fact. Telling lies to others, or lying to oneself, cannot change facts. Only conscious, rational, focused actions can change facts, so long as you respect the basic, objectively proven laws of nature.
4. Live for today; live for the moment only.
Antidote: Enjoy the moment, but also set long-range goals and develop a sense of overall purpose. Without purpose, it is impossible to make effective decisions in the present and to enjoy the here-and-now. Think and plan long-range; but live in the here-and-now. It is possible to integrate the two.
5. Knowledge is a mystery. My mind is impotent to know things, so why even try? If knowledge is not going to come to me automatically, then I give up.
Antidote: Reason is the method by which you know things. Reason starts with the observation of perceptual facts and grows with the integration of these facts into abstract concepts. Reason is fallible, but with consistent and vigorous use you are guaranteed to always gain more knowledge in the fields that interest you, and as a consequence increased ability and self-confidence.
6. The noblest, most moral activity I can do is to live for others. Charity, not accomplishment, represents the essence of goodness. It’s OK if I don’t do anything with my life, so long as I’m nice to others.
Antidote: The noblest, most moral activity you can do is to live for yourself, and those closest to you whom you value the most. By using your mind productively, and peaceably trading with others, you not only achieve personal fulfillment; you also, as a secondary consequence, make the world a better place. Charity is not even relevent unless or until you are materially and mentally strong yourself. Not all charity, however well-intentioned, results in actual help, either; sometimes it fosters exploitation and unhealthy dependence. True charity begins at home, by being your own keeper, not everybody else’s.
The only way to change the mistaken, emotionally held ideas is to (1) bring them into consciousness, and (2) challenge them, repeatedly, with the rational antidotes.
A good cognitive-behavioral psychotherapist can help with this task. This kind of change is neither simple nor immediate; but it’s also not as difficult as people assume it will be, either. It’s not rocket science so much as persistence, patience and — above all, by far — a simple and determined commitment to make your life meaningful and purposeful, for yourself. This is something addiction will not do for you, and in fact will only impair you.
Happiness is by definition an ongoing work in progress. Short-cuts are futile and self-defeating on their own terms.
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