Life is Not Static (DE Coast Press)

I get so many emails and questions about coping with changes in life. Part of it is that so many of us who live here are transplants, having left familiar places behind in favor of living here on the Delaware coast. And, by the way, you visitors and part-timers out there, this applies to you too! Many of us full-timers started out traveling here on vacation. And for us (and maybe for you), that special attachment lingered well past Labor Day. Memories of the boardwalk at twilight, the smell of hot fries and pizza mingled with Coppertone ultimately ended up leading us to the settlement table. So read on.

Even when you know that a change is going to be good, the happiness and anticipation can be bittersweet. But there are things you can do to make transition a little less traumatic. For example, write down the good things that change will bring. You might say to yourself, “I’m relocating to the beach full time. It’s what I always wanted to do, but I’m going to miss my old friends, and moving is stressful.” Then write: “YES, BUT … now I can enjoy everything about the beach on a full-time basis. My old friends will visit, and I’ll make new ones. Moving is stressful, but it’s temporary. The pleasures of living where I want to be will be permanent.”

Another example: “My child is going off to college and I’m going to miss her.” Put pen to paper: “YES, BUT … my child is successful. She made it to college. My goal was to successfully raise her to adulthood. And it worked.”

Remind yourself of the positive aspects, and add to your list as you think of more. Don’t write down what’s negative — it’s the negative thoughts we’re trying to get rid of. The written word is an effective way to keep depressing emotions in check. Keep in mind that you almost always have choices. If you don’t like one change, you can choose another. It’s OK to make course corrections.

Some changes are not so easy to endure. We can suffer losses and trauma we didn’t anticipate. In these cases we find effective ways to cope, and in time, figure out what to do next. Tolerating and surviving a failure or a rejection isn’t easy, but the inner strength we gain can open up opportunities later on. Imagine getting rejected for a job you wanted. At first, it’s devastating. You’re going to feel sad for a while. However, as time passes, you realize that you don’t have to focus on this job anymore. You’re liberated. You can now focus on something else; something that will likely be just as good or even better. Don’t just take my word for it. Think back on rejections or disappointments in your past. Didn’t things often end up turning out just as well?

Life is dynamic and prone to variation. Imagine a world in which nothing ever changed! There would be no inventions, no computers, medicines, cars or gadgets to make our lives more convenient. We would enjoy far fewer choices, and probably not even live as long as we do now.

Over the years, I’ve talked with many depressed people. One common theme is that, for whatever reason, they don’t make changes. Because of the lack of variation and fresh experiences, life becomes a boring quagmire of mediocrity. I work hard to convince them that the only depressing thing about all that is that it never had to be.

So look at the progression of your life as an airplane flight, a train ride, or an automobile trip. It’s not always comfortable or convenient, and it might even be a little risky, but it’s the only way to get where you really want to go.

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