The Things to Evade by Supporting Obama

Here are the basic premises of the Obama re-election campaign effort. If you accept all these — then everything else makes sense.

Everything bad is Bush’s fault; everything that’s Bush’s fault is also Romney’s fault.

Sarah Palin used to be the Great Satan. Now it’s Romney. To challenge Obama is what makes you Satan.

Unemployment is still high because of Bush. It’s less high than it would be because of Obama’s policies.

Food stamps create jobs.

Obamacare will create jobs.

Higher taxes create jobs.

Government spending and borrowing — in the multiple trillions of dollars — creates jobs.

Government creates jobs, even though private employers sign the paychecks (and pay the taxes).

Actually, jobs don’t matter. What matters is that the government has more people receiving government checks. Obama could potentially stay in office forever, with a majority willing to suspend presidential term limits (maybe even elections), so long as the goodies keep coming.

Government debt is bad and evil when Bush does it. That’s because Bush spent it partly on defense. Debt is only harmful when accumulated for defense. Debt accumulated in exponentially increasing, infinite levels for domestic spending — that’s a good thing!

When Bush used government agencies and regulations to continue Bill Clinton’s policy of artificially creating inflated demand for housing — that was a bad thing. It was a good thing when Clinton did it, and a bad thing when Bush did it. When Clinton did it, it was called “putting people first” and when Bush did it, it was “laissez-faire capitalism.” When the real estate market (and later the whole economy) crashed because of the selfsame policies of Bush and Clinton, it was exclusively Bush’s fault — and exclusively the fault of “capitalism.” And when Obama responds by heaping more artificial government incentives, interventions, subsidies and regulations on the financial and real estate markets than ever before — why, that’s a good thing.

Gas prices rise when the economy tanks. (Obama said so in his second debate with Romney.) When gas prices rose under Bush, it was because of the economy tanking — all Bush’s fault. When gas prices rise much higher under Obama, it’s not because of the economy tanking. The economy is now flourishing, thanks to Obama. When gas prices rise under a Republican president, it’s because of the bad economy. When gas prices rise under Obama, it’s because of a good economy (presumably).

By the way, gas price increases (so long as they occur under Obama, not Bush or Romney) are a good thing. It will result in less fuel usage and make the world cleaner and safer — you know, kind of like the horse and buggy days when there was no practical use for oil.

Oh, and when gas prices rose under Bush, it was because of Dick Cheney’s collusion with greedy, evil oil companies (you know, those people who get the oil out of the ground and get it to market so we can purchase it any moment we like.) When gas prices rise much higher under Obama, it’s certainly not because of greedy oil companies. Obama protects us from them.

When Obama and his supporters talk, it’s freedom of speech. When anyone opposing Obama or his policies speaks — it’s hate speech. Hate speech and hateful action are essentially the same thing, or should be under the law. Obama, if his core supporters have their way, will make sure of this in term two.

When Republicans spend trillions of dollars on the welfare-entitlement state, it’s capitalism — and capitalism is always bad. When Democrats do the same thing, it’s compassion and humanity. When Democrats redistribute wealth, it’s always good. When Republicans redistribute wealth, it’s evil.

Republicans oppose gay marriage. Obama opposed gay marriage too, until several months ago when his loose-lipped vice president said Obama had changed his mind. Obama reluctantly reversed course. When Obama opposes gay marriage, it’s OK and we’re to believe him when he says something different. When Barack speaks, it’s always the truth by definition.

Obama cares about women. His policies lead both men and women to depend on government. That’s caring. Independence is bad, heartless and cruel.

When Bush sends troops to the Middle East with no defined or strategic purpose, he’s a warmonger. When Obama sends troops to Afghanistan with even less defined or strategic purpose, it’s not to be questioned.

Obama refuses to call terrorism “terrorism.” This makes him virtuous. When Obama’s military catches and kills bin Laden, that’s a good thing — even though it’s still bad to call bin Laden or anyone like him a terrorist. The reason it’s a good thing to kill bin Laden is Obama can use this to encourage an inattentive public (most of whom support capturing and killing terrorists) to reelect him. Bin Laden’s capture is just a means to the end of … more government socialism and redistribution.

Yes, if you accept all these implied (and sometimes explicitly stated) premises uncritically, you’re good to go in voting for Obama.


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