Economics for Dummies 2012

Anything bad that happens, in the economy, is Bush’s fault.

Anything good that happens, in the economy, is due to Barack.

Anything that gets worse would have been EVEN worse had it not been for Barack. And the whole mess was caused by Bush in the first place.

Tax increases give more money to the government. The more government raises taxes, the more money the government will have. The more money the government has, the more economic prosperity there will be.

Everything that happens in the government sector is productive and good. Everything that happens in the private sector is evil, or at best neutral.

Private spending and private wealth are a means to an end. It’s OK to have them, so long as they stimulate more economic growth — and make the government (when run by Obama, or an equivalent) look good.

Persisting high unemployment is bad for Barack’s reelection, so it’s a bad thing. It’s not REALLY a bad thing. Government has more food stamps, more unemployment checks, more government housing, more government make-work jobs (wink-wink–you don’t really have to work in these jobs.) Unemployment is bad only because it makes Barack look bad, and it embarrasses Barack and his supporters. Embarrassing Barack is not a good thing.

If the country had any sense, we would not need elections. Everyone would simply vote for Barack. But the country has a lot of ignorant, backward-thinking people who question Barack. In a more perfect world, we could silent this hate speech. But we’re not there yet. For now, we must go through the motions of elections so it looks like Barack has the support of all the people. Barack certainly has the support of all the people with sense.

When the Federal Reserve releases more currency into the economy, the economy grows. The government has done this several times in the last few years, and will continue to do so again. This is the nature of economic growth. Government must have control over managing the currency. The only alternative would be a private market, with standards of value and currency set by the private market. This is unconscionable. Government knows best how to spend, and what to spend. Therefore, government must have control over the currency.

The Treasury Secretary (Geithner) and the Federal Reserve Chariman (Bernanke) are wealth creators. They authorize the government to spend more money, and in the process of that spending we have economic growth. There are people who call this artificial and anti-market, but they are fools. There are others who complain that the government is creating mountains of debt, that sooner or later must be paid (impossible in this generation) or defaulted on, which could lead to all kinds of unforeseen consequences, even a collapse of the entire monetary system. Anyone who says this is a right-wing fool and should be ignored. We’re doing just fine.

Taxing capital gains even higher will improve the economy. Why? Because the more money government has, the more the economy is growing. The very act of giving the government money is, in itself, economic activity.

When a majority supports something that Barack and his supporters want to do, the majority is right. We are a democracy and it’s democratic rule all the way. Chief Justice John Roberts himself said so. We like what he said; therefore it’s true.

When a majority opposes something that Barack and his supporters want to do, the majority is misguided and misled. They are wrong, and it’s because they are being poisoned by Fox News, Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, the Tea Party and anybody else who questions Barack about anything. Questioning Barack is bad and wrong. It’s against your self-interest. Self-interest is immoral — unless you’re supporting Barack and his economic policies. Then you’re being self-interested, and in that case it’s good.

Got it? Oh, and by the way, public schools are good because they will teach you everything we say. Public schools are not for the children of Barack and our other great leaders, of course. But they are too enlightened to need them.

By the way, creating green jobs — jobs which would not exist if the government didn’t hamper some markets (e.g. oil) so that others (e.g. solar power) could develop — expands the economy. Don’t worry about the math; it just will. Green is good, so long as we’re not talking about money and so long as the jobs are government-created ones.

Expanded (even indefinite) unemployment checks? They’re coming. Just vote for Barack. Unlimited food stamps? Unlimited medical care provided by doctors who will be happy to work for the government? No worries. This all represents the transformation of economic growth. Old prejudices about economic growth, and unemployment? Forget them. It’s a new world now. Relax and let our good President, our good Senators and our good government officials run things for you.

Worried about that $15 trillion debt which will soon become $30 trillion, then $100 trillion? What are you — some kind of right-wing, fascist hater? We all know that tolerance and diversity necessarily imply socialism — and only socialism. Oh, and by the way, we don’t call it socialism. We call it investment, hope and change.

Sit back and enjoy the Big Government flight. Your worries are over. Help has arrived, and you’re free at last. Other nations could not achieve effortless utopia via government spending, but America did. We are exceptional, after all.


Be sure to “friend” Dr. Hurd on Facebook. Search under “Michael Hurd” (Rehoboth Beach DE). Get up-to-the-minute postings, recommended articles and links, and engage in back-and-forth discussion with Dr. Hurd on topics of interest.