Liberalism to Its Ultimate Conclusion

The welfare state is cracking apart. It has run out of money.

Most people want the supposed benefits of a welfare state; nearly everybody welcomes something for nothing. But increasingly, it’s apparent to all involved that you can’t get something for nothing. And when you force others to give you something of theirs for nothing, you end up with unintended consequences — such as less of everything, for everyone! Case in point: Western Europe, especially Great Britain, where the welfare state is collapsing within itself. Case in point: California. And New Jersey. And now Wisconsin.

In the spirit of the times, I propose the following to address the growing crisis. Liberal Democrats and socialists everywhere, I trust, will have no problem supporting these proposals:

Pass a law eliminating cost. Why do we need to pay for things, anyway? What kind of society makes its citizens — especially its most needy ones — pay for things? There ought to be a law outlawing costs, prices or anything not given away for free. We’ve already tried that part-way. We’ve partly outlawed costs for health insurance and medical care, for many people. Let’s just get rid of costs altogether. Let’s make all medical care free. Of course doctors will provide it for free. They become doctors to help people, right? Even the rich can be expected to come on board for this one. The rich don’t want to pay for their plastic surgery, triple bypass or brain surgery either. Let’s just make everything equally free for everybody, not just with health care but everything. Think of all the problems this law will solve. We will no longer have to worry about inflation. We’ll no longer have to worry about deficits or national debt (because government services will not cost anything, either.) We won’t need a stock market and all those evil, greedy capitalists can be put out of work, which they deserve. It will be a Utopia of Freedom, the only kind of freedom that matters — to not be required to exert any effort or strain to do anything whatsoever, at any time. The word “earn” should also be outlawed, although once this law takes effect, it won’t need to be. The concept will be wiped from people’s minds, forever. Good riddance.

Pass a law mandating improvement in quality for everything. People agree that schools are mediocre and inadequate. We already know they’re free. Let’s pass a law requiring higher quality. Let’s do the same for airports, airlines and everything else society requires for its survival. Doctors should be more competent. Let’s pass a law requiring doctors to be more competent. That will eliminate the need for malpractice insurance — although that doesn’t really matter, because malpractice insurance won’t any longer cost anything (see above law). Let’s pass a law requiring everyone to be more competent. Not me, of course; but everyone else.

Pass a law requiring people to be more caring. Citizens should be able to report uncaring fellow citizens to the authorities. Caring Reformation Offices (CROs) will be set up and run by social workers, as representatives of the government. Uncaring people will be screened, first to establish if they really are uncaring. If they are so deemed, they will be referred to caring camps to be reeducated and transformed by qualified caring psychotherapists (with the CAPSY credential, of course) into caring human beings. I don’t know about you, but I’m sick of mean and uncaring people. Our Great Leader Barack has declared that caring is the right way to be, but uncaring people refuse to listen to Him. So let’s just force them to be that way, once and for all. Incentives? Forget it. That American way has not worked. Let’s cut right to the chase. Who could be against such a law? Who doesn’t want a society filled with caring people? Let’s call it … The Oprah Law. She is the face of caring, if ever there was one.

Yes, if we could just get rid of money, cost and “the economy” as we know it, then all of our other problems would go away. Poor Barack. He means well, and those supporting these laws totally support what he’s trying to do. But it won’t work. He’s working too much within the system of money, exchange, rationality and commerce. Those things all must go. They are harsh, mean and judgmental. Barack the Great and our beloved Queen Michelle are no such thing. They are superior and should be kept in office for good (forget elections, forget term limits.) We hardly deserve to live under their rule. But their rule can be much more efficient, magnificent and lasting — if only these laws could be passed.

So what do you think? Have I left anything out?